#But basically I am sitting on my hands in the name of lore consistency.

[illegiblewords]

Part of a past trade with @illumancer! Still love how this turned out.

[brawltogethernow]

Have you read Phil Jimenez’ Tempest miniseries from the mid 90s? If so, what are your thoughts?

No, but it’s four issues long. Gimme a minute.

Okay, I’m back. That was VERY stupid (compliment). Absolute camp nonsense. Unfortunately it's also kind of bad?

Obviously these aren’t finely aged takes. Plus I have picked up exactly one (1) back issue of Aquafam content prior to this in my life, usually absorbing them exclusively through team titles, and lack of preexisting attachment to the lore here definitely doesn’t do it any favors.

Okay, so. In this title, AQUALAD (Garth), who is already not going by that at this point, has decided it’s time to STAB HIMSELF IN THE CHEST WITH A MAGIC KNIFE to absorb some kind of ANCESTRAL ELEMENTAL POWERS so he can finally update his name and outfit like every single other og Titan did in the eighties. You grow up slow when you’re not very popular! Complicating the planned KNIFE RITUAL, AQUAGIRL (Tula) has SPONTANEOUSLY COME BACK FROM THE DEAD and REFUSES TO ANSWER LITERALLY ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS. This coincides exactly with Garth’s MENTOR GUY who looks like HE-MAN WISHES HE DID being kidnapped, also Tula immediately begins picking fights with Garth’s only other ally present, an EDGY SHARK MERMAID who is trying to enemies-to-lovers route their relationship and doesn’t appreciate being cuntblocked by a rude corpse. Garth decides to COMPLETELY IGNORE this BULK ORDER OF RED FLAGS because of love, which done well could be touching and tragic but in practice makes him look like a moron. He tells his SHARK GIRLFRIEND to gtfo for saying his DEAD GIRLFRIEND is going to fuck up the KNIFE MAGIC, allowing her to FUCK UP THE KNIFE MAGIC IMMEDIATELY. She’s revealed to be a pawn of Garth’s UNCLE, who is a NECROMANCER TRAPPED IN ANOTHER DIMENSION. So NECRUNCLE escapes and uses their (*communist Bugs Bunny meme*) ancestral mojo to summon a SOGGY UNDEAD ARMY. Garth is rescued by his community he thought were all dead but were actually just avoiding him. They reveal that they knew if he tried to claim his family magic his uncle would escape, so they tried to leave him for dead as a baby, and when they found out that hadn’t worked they decided to lie to him instead of telling him not to stab himself with a magic knife, also the knife was just an unnecessary bit of danger they added to the ritual at the last minute for fun. Did they mention they’re pacifists? Except for when they executed Garth’s dad for trying to fight off his necromancer brother, because they felt that was kind of over the line. They’ve been hiding out in a bunker full of COMICALLY NORMAL-LOOKING ANTI-ZOMBIE GUNS, which Garth takes to go fight his UNCLE and his DEAD GIRLFRIEND and his DEAD PET WALRUS, but he still needs to be rescued by SHARK GIRLFRIEND and her family, who she went to get instead of leaving Garth to die of his own dumbassery which he tbh deserved. So Garth yeets his uncle back into the PHANTOM ZONE BUT WET and levels up his magical abilities an unclear amount, the end.

Every single character is as dumb as a plank and deeply unsympathetic, except Letifos (edgy shark) and Atlan (He-mentor), who can get away with acting mostly normal because they are forcibly removed from the bulk of the plot. Every single thing that happens including all of the backstory could be avoided if the cast weren’t completely stocked with dumb jerks.

Great color palette choices, slightly tortured digital coloring on the version online. Nice underwater art that never forgot everything was underwater or succumbed to the urge to just put everyone in a blue void. My inner four-year-old, who is on some level still sitting at the bottom of a pool trying to manifest an uncanny lung capacity and a magical fish companion, was really vibing with it. This is approximately the age I was the last time I interacted with underwater civilization content, but it turns out I still appreciate it as an aesthetic, and this mini nails it.

It was actually slightly too good at remembering literally everything was underwater, in the sense that I had trouble turning my brain off about the logistics and kept pausing to go, “Underwater...blanket...? Why...? How does that...” I am very ready to allow the ocean zombies, however, for cool factor reasons. Although skeletons are also cool and don’t raise questions about underwater mummification.

This was my introduction to the fact that in post-Crisis DC Neptune and Poseidon are two separate dudes, one of whom is blue and has a bubble beard and one of whom is a bald white merman. And they hate each other? Alright! Okay, okay. Like did DC accidentally establish both and they just decided to roll with it?

Now, you know I love me some undead women.👍 Unfortunately Tula’s agency and interiority are lower than zero, just steeply in the negatives.👎👎👎 Tula is Charlie Brown and agency in this plot is the football. Jimenez’s entire approach to women in this gives him an extremely punchable vibe. I would not go to a bar with this man. He remembers the girls have super strength (and doesn’t keep the violence completly divvied up by gender), at least, but doesn’t seem aware that they’re people, which is unsettling. You could have turned around a LOT with like, a single scene from Tula’s POV after it’s established that she’s been bespelled to experience a completely different set of events from reality so that by the end she’s experiencing her ally losing it and attacking her, or just by working harder to convey that experience through her reactions. But lol no it’s fine that she’s basically a hand puppet, because what matters is the lead’s reaction to her! Jail. Go to jail. Also as it stands I’m confused about how her deal shook out to be that she was both not actually Tula and being mind controlled, and also her real experience of love for Garth was critical to the villain’s plan? Explainy-looking words happened but the zombie logistics absolutely went unexplained in spite of them. While we’re at it, why did Letifos come back for a big damn heroes scene at the end. Devoting a thought bubble to addressing this turn around wouldn’t have even had to break the binding contract that seems to be in place forbidding any lines from her not directly about Garth.

Right, the villain. Great design, very gross. I do kind of want to boil him and then try to crack him open and eat him like a crab. Love that Garth lampshades that Slizzath is a ridiculous evil name by saying he can’t pronounce it, right next to the reveal that Slizzath is his uncle. It doesn’t seem like he took that on as his necromancer title or anything. Garth’s grandparents just named their kids Thar and Slizzath. Really, the way that his face is a skull now is their fault.

I was surprised to see that the contentious dick towers from the Little Mermaid VHS cover have taken refuge in this version of Atlantis.

I feel like I should segue from there into something about Garth’s shrinkwrapped costume’s gratuitously pronounced crotch bulge, but like, I don’t know. Whatever. We’re just uncomfortably up close and personal with absolutely everybody’s anatomy consistently, it’s whatever.

So yeah, that was not good. I enjoyed it. I would punch Phil Jimenez in the mouth without hesitation.

[shinylugers]

tw; n*zi mention and stuff. if you don’t like it, don’t read???

Let’s talk about Rockfort and Steve. Looking back on a few consistent files and timeline of the game, it could have been about a year’s worth of time which would have had Steve taken from his home by Umbrella when he was about sixteen. He would have served his days out in the detention center with other inmates as well. That’s a long fucking time for someone underage to be serving with a bunch of possibly dangerous male-only criminals. I use the term ‘criminals’ actually lightly, due to the nature of Steve’s imprisonment. He was simply in the wrong place, the wrong time, and was involved. He knew too much.

It’s any wonder why he was allowed to keep his hair while the other prisoners were shaved down. Maybe it’s because of his age they found some modicum of mercy.

More deliberation forces me to think that Alfred, in his SENSITIVE STATE of mind, might have had more torturous plans in store for someone with vigor and youth. Naturally, the anatomist could have some sphere of influence too - as a ‘man’ of science and distinguished taste (ie; torture). There could have been differentiated experiments forced on a person Steve’s age, or there could have been a form of conditioning involved that resulted in different turnabouts.

The actual implications that Steve got off easy compared to the rest of the prisoners sits with the proof that he retains his hair, while the other zombie inmates you see have their heads shaved. Most look malnourished. They all bear the same uniforms while Steve manages to cloth himself with mildly different materials. Vest, a nice cotton shirt, camo pants and combat boots. Its also possible he managed to snag these during his escape, but it seems highly unlikely.

Sidenote, he wears these... which are essentially bondage cuffs? These aren’t found on any other inmate in the game, zombie or not. Both versions (DSC and CV). It seems to be capable of binding one’s arms behind their back.

---------------------

The little differences didn’t leave Steve without some wear and tear of his own. Burnside was still tagged with both a numerical collar and a ‘branding’ of a barcode by the facility’s militia -- (or in the worst case scenario, Alfred himself). Much like N*zi concentration camps, this is a form of perma identification. ( NOTE: DSC is the only version of Steve with a branding. But both have the same collar and issued vest with the tagged uniform. )

[ please defer to myrmecitis’ post found here for a better overview of rockfort and viral analysis ]

Moving along ... one of the interesting files that you find in the barracks is from a prisoner that mentions another cellmate called “Bob”. Suspicions point to it having belonged to Steve Burnside. Code Veronica doesn’t give a huge amount of insight on where he’s placed beforehand, alas, it seems DSC does a better job at this despite removing other key components of the lore.

You find out that room with the security computer and tables with a separate bunk-bed room is where Steve was kept and escaped essentially right after the explosion happened on the island.

However, in the original game there is no computer, and where it was in DSC, there is a second level where another set of tables magazines, an old tv, and some uneaten food sit. Interestingly enough, you also find a small kitchenette area where Claire states that the soup is still warm; indicative that the outbreak must have rapidly infected those still within the detention center.

The Prisoner's Diary is found in the prison building bedroom on the left-hand side bunk bed from the door.

May 13th This room stinks of death. Based upon the information I've found, I believe that I'm far south of the equator. Lucky for me that Bob in the bunk below me, is one of those interesting types of guys...

May 16th Today Bob told some crazy story of why he was put this place with me. Bob said that he used to be an attendant to the head of this place. This "boss" named Alfred supposedly placed him in here because of a tiny little mistake.

What does that mean? What's going to happen to me?

May 20th Without warning, a group of military men took Bob to the building behind the guillotine stand. At midnight, I'll sneak out of here to see him.

I've been hearing that anyone taken to that building never comes back. On top of that,there are these REALLY large plastic bags constantly being removed from that place. I'd better pray for Bob...

May 21st I was wrong. I shouldn't have gone there. What is going on in there?! All I could hear was some insanely creepy laughter and the sound of Bob screaming! I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about it...

Is that going to happen to me?! I can't let it... I just can't...

May 27th Since my last entry, all of my fellow inmates have been taken to that building! I know that I am next... It's obvious that we were all here to be used as Alfred's guinea pigs. There's no way out! What am I going to do?!...

It makes a little more sense on how and why Steve is able to shoot a gun, knows how to fly a goddamn plane, and understand military coordinates to find the basic location of their island versus Australia, where they eventually aim to hit in the escape measure at the ripe age of seventeen.

He had help from good ol��� Bob and probably some of the other inmates. Rockfort was both a military training facility and later a camp that held Umbrella’s transgressors captive. It wouldn’t be a shot in the dark how many knew about planes, guns, and the like. A gear-head isn’t hard to find in those ranks.

Striked out above was what I initially believed -- but if you’re a person who thinks that some portions of the written novels are canon, you’re like me. Let’s be real then. According to Steve, he’s been in the cockpit several times of private planes. It’s also stated by Steve that his father was a private truck driver that distributed/brought Umbrella’s products to their labs. For the longest time I believed he was a techy and was datamining information, but this works too.

But ari-- how the hell did Steve manage to be avoid infection with the air-borne T-virus strain? Yet again, I tell you to reach out to myrmecitis’s post regarding the virus. But the best explanation that sits in the lore is that Steve had a natural immunity, as do the STARS members. Certain chemical and DNA reactions issue different results and it’s possible that Steve was immune to that particular strain. Herd immunity or the game of chance.

However, we know for a fact that directly implementing a higher potent virus such as T-alexia in an injection results in something far different for our unfortunate Steve. I’ve got more brewing but that’s for another time.

[nerdlifecentral]

Unknown Secrets [3]

Summary: Y/n joins the hunt for the mysterious nephidemon, but she finds out some shocking information that brings them closer to saving this town from the clutches of Asmodeus’ child.

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, reader, Gabriel, Castiel, Mick, Ketch, Asmodeus

Pairing: everyone platonic

Genre: Angst, bit of fluff

Word Count: 3,906

Warnings: none :)

A/N: Sorry this took so long, but here it finally is! <3

I pull up next to Baby in front of the small motel. "So we meet again, beautiful." I say lovingly, patting the roof of Dean's beloved car. I walk up to room number 63. The six has a loose screw which makes it look more like a nine, so I hope it really is room 63.

My anxiety is quelled when I see Ketch open the door with a wide, relaxed smile. "Hello, darling. I hope you didn't spend all of last night trying to research just to show off,” he says while giving me a hug and playfully winks, prompting Mick to shake his head from his spot at a small table across from Sam, whose laptop is open and running some sort of crazy code.

"No, not this time. Although I have always been the brains behind the operations when it comes to you two." 

Mick let out a chuckle while Ketch simply rolls his eyes and went to lounge on the couch. Sam then gets up, somewhat awkwardly and offers a quick hug.

"So," he starts, "me and Dean tried to dig up anything extra we could have skipped over in either demon lore or any offspring they could produce." I nod for him to continue as he takes a seat and turns his computer towards me. "The only thing that could be a possible lead is the tracking spell Rowena used and there's been a history of weird weather patterns - especially lightning storms for almost forty years. So that means that either Asmodeus or his child has been here for at least forty years."

I rest my chin on my hand and think about what could explain this Prince of Hell living in my town for forty years. I mean, how have I never ran into him or seen anything weird even once?

The door opens and in walks Dean with lots of beer and various snacks, along with a pie that I assume to be cherry.

"Alright, what's the game plan guys? FBI or some basic computer research?" Dean asks, putting away his items and walking over to his bed and plopping down looking at me.

"Sam was just catching us up on the weather stuff y'all found last night." I respond, noticing Sam's open laptop. "Although I think it would make the most sense if Asmodeus was here for, let's say, twenty years, scoping the place out and getting other Hunters to believe that the storms would be normal so no one bats an eye once his child is born, and they could live here for maybe twenty more years, completely undetected."

After a short pause, Mick speaks up, "It is certainly possible and the most likely lead we have. Why else would he want to risk staying in one area for that long?" 

Sam sighs and nods in agreement and slides his computer to face himself again.

"So, y/n," Dean starts and I pick my head up and look to him, "has anyone ever seemed off to you or someone you heard of being born thirty to forty years ago?"

I snort a laugh and respond. "You named most of the folks in this town. Most people have grown up here all their lives and don't really have the desire to move away. Not many long term or consistent visitors either."

Ketch stands up from the couch and walks over to Mick snatching a notebook sitting next to him. He says, "alright, who could be the most likely candidates for being this monster, y/n?"

I rubbed my eyes and leaned back, trying to narrow down who to say, but all I could see were faces morphing into each other and names swirling through my thoughts. "How should I narrow it down?" I ask with my eyes closed for a moment, opening them only because of the sound of Sam typing on his computer and Ketch speaking.

"Let's start with anyone especially strange or out of the ordinary, people between thirty and forty who have lived here their whole lives, only children, maybe anyone who doesn't know their parents or their mother died in birth."

I take a deep breath and start naming people that fit any or all of the criteria Ketch described while explaining which characteristics they have as Ketch writes the addresses that I can remember and Sam types up the list.

It takes us a few hours of narrowing down and organizing everyone into sizable chunks and who our most likely hidden monster is. Luckily, everyone lived nearby and Dean brought back some good food choices. Well, as good as gas station and tiny grocery store food can get.

"I vote we get a move on with this list and split up a bit to cover more ground." Ketch suggests.

Sam glances at Dean as he says "Works for me. We going for FBI on this one?"

The group nods as Dean butts in saying, "We'll go through the people in these neighborhoods," he waves his hand over the section towards the east, "and you three can take the rest." He says while pointing at me.

"Alright, let's get ready and get a move on." I say, standing up and walking out to grab some gear. I can’t help but think how odd it is that I have grown up with these people and all this time one of them could be such a horrible, dangerous creature. My palms almost itch with the anticipation of making my town, and the world a safer place. But I can’t help but wonder if we’re making the right decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Last house will be just to the left of Willow Street.” Mick says from the passenger side, directing Ketch to our final stop before it got too late.

I don’t even know how we’re gonna find this nephidemon at this point. No one we’ve talked to all day has said or remembered anything that would help us remotely. Hopefully Sam and Dean have had some better luck, I think as Ketch pulls up to the curb across from the house.

We all climb out of the car and casually walk up to the front door, Ketch and Mick with their badges and me prepared for the endless complaints this case will earn me from the locals for bringing the feds to their doorsteps. But, if I can possibly help out Mick, Ketch, Cas, and the Winchesters with something like Asmodeus or his freak kids, then it’s worth it. The door opens revealing Fred and his wife, Josie with polite smiles on their faces.

“Hey, Fred and Josie! How have you guys been?” I ask, smiling warmly.

Josie responds for them both. “We’re doing just fine, dear. You should join us for game night next time!” 

I laugh and nod enthusiastically, about to explain and introduce the two "agents" beside me when Fred beats me to it. “Who are your friends? They visitors?” he interjects with slightly narrowed eyes and hands shoved in his pockets.

“Of course, my apologies. These are FBI agents McCullough and Morgan.” They both hold up their badges with calm expressions. “They’re old friends of mine and have been looking for someone they think might have been hanging around here for awhile. I figured you both have excellent memories and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind us taking a few moments of your day to help them find a potential suspect?” I slightly tilt my head and try to look as innocent and eager to help as possible. Fred and Josie have always treated me as one of their own children and I certainly hope Ketch doesn’t offend them in any way.

“It’s no problem at all. Very nice to meet you gentlemen. As y/n stated I am Josie Hutcherson and this is my husband, Fred.” Josie, being the polite and kind person that she is, shook hands with Ketch and Mick, welcoming us all inside.

One nice thing about living in a small town is how nothing really changes; not the people, the drama, and not any buildings save for the occasional fresh coat of paint or new lamp. Having something constant is always welcome, especially when it feels like the world is ending.

"What case did you say you were helping them with, y/n?" I'm drawn out of thoughts by Mrs. Hutcherson kindly sitting down across from Mick and Ketch, Fred still choosing to stand near his wife with crossed arms.

"They're trying to track the movement of a very dangerous criminal, they have reason to believe he stayed here awhile back and then left." 

Josie smiles at me and turns back to the "agents" to speak, but Fred says, "Uh huh. And why does the FBI want to take up your time in this what I would think would be a highly classified search?"

Fred may mean well, but words were always something he left to Josie. Hopefully he's only put off by Mick and Ketch, I would really hate for them to be hiding this demon kid.

"Y/n here knows almost every person in this town, and from what she's told us she is extremely attentive as well." Mick offers, "We were looking around aimlessly until we met her. My partner actually was interviewing her and she offered to help us look around town for a little bit." He gave a reassuring smile towards Josie and a firm nod towards Fred.

"Now, have either of you noticed anyone strange at all in the past thirty to forty years? They would be extremely charismatic but slightly arrogant as well. And maybe looked something close to this picture." Ketch asks while pulling out a picture of the current vessel of Asmodeus. Even though we aren't sure he was in this vessel when having a kid, it's the best bet we have in recognizing him at all.

Both Josie and Fred denied anyone acting out of the ordinary or ever seeing that picture before. I could tell Mick and Ketch wanted to keep interviewing Josie since she was more open, so I tried to get Fred a little ways away to get through to him better. "I know that you don't really care for the FBI and sticking their noses where nothing has happened, Fred. "He uncrosses his arms with a sigh and a reluctant nod. "But this guy is a really bad guy and they asked me who would be the most attentive people to ask about. And you and your wife were the first I thought of, that's all."

After Fred agrees to be more open to answering their questions, I smile and thank him before walking back out toward the living room where Mick and Ketch are standing up.

"Y/n, I believe we shouldn't take up anymore of these people's time. Thank you both so much for all your help." Mick says with a kind smile and handshake with Josie, then Fred.

"Thank you Josie and Fred, I'll come over when I can," I say with a wave out the door and down the sidewalk. Mick and Ketch also exit and walk back to their car.

"Anything you guys picked up on?" I question, lowering my voice with caution.

Ketch closes his eyes and with a short huff of air responds "Not really. The only odd thing Mrs. Hutcherson mentioned were the persistent lightning storms that drove everyone inside, except for this one time. There was a man and a small child who were outside in the middle of the road, completely unprotected. Just gazing up into the sky for a few hours...."

Thunder, so loud that it feels as though the earth beneath my feet shakes. I look up in wonder as brilliant flashes of lightning take over the dark sky. A warm hand rests on my shoulder, its presence keeping me focused and grounded.

I glance up to the man, who has a prideful smile and warm eyes, and I remember feeling safe despite the chaos and danger surrounding us.

The man speaks, sounding southern and calm. "My daughter, this will be our last night together, I was hoping for more time with you but it's far too dangerous." I tilt my head in question, turning to face him more. He continues, "Someday all of this will seem like a dream for you. That's when your purpose will become clear. And we will be united once again."

I feel tears starting to form, this is my father, he can't abandon me now! "But father, when will that happen? And how long after I remember will I see you again?" He bends down to my level taking both my hands in his.

"I know I will miss you, my child, but I would rather feel this heartache than know you are at risk from Hunters. They are so dangerous and you must always be careful around them. Alright?" I nod my head and hug my father, one last time. I hear him speak once more. "I love you, never forget that." And the whole world goes silent.

I faintly hear voices speaking to me but I couldn't make out what they are saying. I know it’s Mick and Ketch. What on Earth are they doing here? The entire case comes flooding back to me, the Winchesters, Asmodeus, his kid, my strange hallucination. I struggle to open my eyes met with blinding light and someone, Sam, I think, sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry Sam, but there is no way for me to understand why she fainted. She appears to be in good health, not dehydrated, having enough food and energy. I can't find anything wrong." Cas says, slightly leaning his head back from his place at the end of a bed, near a small mirror on the wall.

I try to sit up and ask what's going on, but Sam gently pushes my shoulders back onto the mattress.

"Hey, y/n don’t sit up yet, alright? You've been passed out for a while. Do you remember anything?" Sam speaks calmly and softly, as though speaking too loud may cause me to lose consciousness yet again.

"I remember helping you guys on a case," I start, realizing how quiet my voice is and how hard it is to speak clearly. "You and Dean went to interview some people and Mick, Ketch, and me did the same. I remember leaving their house and walking out to the car..." I trail off, too unsure of how much I should reveal before learning whether it's a weird vision, or... a memory? I shake my head at the thought. It's simply impossible. I glance at Sam then Castiel while saying "I think that's all I can remember, sorry."

Sam gives a gentle smile just as the front door opens, revealing Dean, Ketch, and another person. He's the shortest out of all the men but has a confidence about himself, sandy blond hair that's longer than Dean's but shorter than Sam's, with beautiful whiskey colored eyes.

"Morning, Sunshine. Feeling any better?" Ketch asks, dragging my attention away from the newcomer.

"A little. My brain is still kinda foggy though. What happened?" I ask, looking between Mick and Ketch hoping they can help me discern reality from fiction.

"Well," Mick begins, "we had finished interviewing the Hutchersons and walked out to our car. I told you what Mrs. Hutcherson had told us about seeing a man and a child during a lightning storm, and you fainted."

He explained, taking a seat on my other side. I just stared at him for a while, trying to understand what had happened. I'm not a person who regularly faints, and this simply cannot be a coincidence.

"Okay, um thank you." I say, surprised at how numb I sound. "Also, who are you?" I ask, looking at the strange man sitting at the table with Dean.

He smirks and responds "I'm Gabriel, like the Archangel." He puts his hands next to his shoulders, waving them to mimic flying.

Dean rolls his eyes while Cas stares annoyed at Gabriel's actions. I guess that sort of makes them brothers?

"Naturally. Well, I'm y/n and didn't realize you were joining us." I tilt my head at Mick slightly and he makes a point to stare at Sam across from me.

"Yeah well neither did we." Dean speaks up, glancing at Cas.

The angel sighs and faces me "Gabriel was kidnapped by Asmodeus for his grace, a little over four months ago. Ketch used to work with him and was able to get Gabriel back to the bunker." I look to Ketch who looks down, almost in shame. Then to Gabriel who simply rests his head on his hand and shrugs. Cas continues, "I called Gabriel here since he deserves to be in on taking down Asmodeus, and it certainly won't hurt to have his help."

"But enough about me," Gabriel exclaims suddenly. He looks over to Sam, raising his hands up in question. Why can these idiots never just say what they need to say rather than act all secretive?

Sam takes a deep breath and turns slightly to better face me. "Y/n, I know you're not going to remember everything. But, " he pauses, searching my eyes while being careful to not give anything away.

"But...?" I prompt, looking around only to be met with Gabriel staring with anger towards me. Which is unbelievably rude and unfair, considering how I literally just met him.

"But, are you sure there's nothing else you can remember? Any detail or generic thing?" Sam finishes, with an understanding smile. I don't know what he could mean by that though, I mean, I was passed out for a long time and I don't think people can speak while being unconscious in that sense.

I shook my head no after thinking for a moment. Gabriel let's his head fall back in dramatic fashion while mumbling something under his breath.

"Sorry my answer isn't the one you wanted, Gabriel." His head snapped up and glared at me. What is this guy's problem? "But I barely remember even walking out to the car, let alone any specific details of our last interview."

"You're lying," Castiel said from the corner of the room, a perplexed look on his face. I wanted to ask what he meant but he continued, "you woke up in Ketch and Mick's car and described something very disturbing." I try not to shrink under the angel's condemning gaze; because I actually don't remember waking up at all until being in the motel. The disturbing thing I described, I don't think I will ever be able to forget.

"I don't remember that at all. I had no idea I woke up before five minutes ago."

Gabriel stands up and snaps his fingers in one motion and I immediately find myself in the backseat of the Impala with Castiel next to me.

"What the hell was that for?!" I say trying to steady myself from falling to one side or the other.

Castiel barely spares me a look and explains "Gabriel snapped us both here to have some kind of privacy I assume."

I try to open the door handle but Cas reaches over to grab my arm, and locks the door. He refuses to let go of me whether because of my continued swaying or because he thinks I could outrun him or something.

"Okay, and what exactly are you doing here? I wouldn't think he would want privacy from you if he's saying his piece."

Castiel finally releases my arm but gives no answer, and instead, looks out the window.

I do the same hoping that Gabriel and the Hunters don't take all day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Back in the motel room)

Y/n and Cas had disappeared from the room thanks to Gabriel.

"Really, Gabe? You probably could've just asked them to leave the room for a minute." Sam says, exasperated with Gabriel already.

Gabriel takes a deep breath and slowly walks around the room, in deep thought.

Dean uncrosses his arms, letting them rest on either side of the motel chair while watching the archangel pace the room, waiting for an answer.

"What have you got to say that you didn't feel y/n or Cas should hear then?" Mick stands from the bed and asks, squaring his shoulders and walking towards Gabriel with annoyance.

Gabriel pauses his movements, stopping in front of Mick while saying, "Cas already knows what I'm gonna tell you, that's why he's with y/n right now." He turns back looking at Ketch. "She did just wake up after being knocked out for a few hours and I'd rather not be responsible for a casualty already."Gabriel brushes by Ketch to sit on the spot that he vacated. "And I doubt she would appreciate her being told how probable it is that she is this nephidemon we've been looking for."

The room falls silent as the Hunters process his words.

"And why exactly do you think this?" Sam asks Gabriel, a shocked expression on his face. "She literally volunteered to help us with this case without any kind of convincing from any of us. If she is the nephidemon, then wouldn't she want to get as far away from all of us as possible?"

Gabriel closes his eyes and leans his head against the bed's worn bed frame, "Sam, I can't put my finger on it but when I first saw her, she reminded me of Asmodeus all over again." He slowly opens his eyes, keeping them focused on the ceiling missing the spark within them. I can only assume that kind of trauma doesn’t leave a person - or archangel I guess unaffected.

"Well, try to. We have to figure this out now, or come up with a plan on testing her or something," Dean says, rubbing his temples still trying to understand how y/n could have played them all along. How she could have played Ketch and Mick for even longer.

Gabriel sighed saying, "I don’t know if this will make you feel better, I doubt she knows herself if she's related to Asmodeus. She doesn't act like him at all, and from what you've said she sounded confused, scared even by what happened when she passed out."

The group relaxes but only slightly. "How could she possibly not know?" Ketch thinks aloud, "and why would a single memory or hallucination suddenly reemerge right now?"

Gabriel only shrugs, not really being able to provide any kind of a possible answer or solution. Mick shakes his head and offers "He could have wiped her memory in order to protect her. That is why we initially thought the nephidemon would be here for so long." Dean slowly nods while Sam rubs his eyes in frustration. "And maybe Ketch describing what Mrs. Hutcherson saw triggered part of her memory to come back; why she passed out."

The men sat in silence, mulling over everything Gabriel brought up, before anyone could move to suggest anything further, the archangel snapped his fingers and slowly let his hand drop back down to the bed.

"Figured it might be smarter to ask her about it, maybe search her memory or something." He states, beginning to act a bit more normal, as they wait tensely for y/n and Cas to walk back through the door.

[seraphinacantatrix]

lfrp/new contacts

The Basics ––– –

Full name: Seraphina Cantatrix

Race: Raen Au Ra

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Marital Status: Single

Age: 24

Nameday: 19th Sun of the 1st Umbral Moon

Alignment:  Neutral Good.

Physical Appearance ––– –

Hair: White, usually kept up and has a braid. 

Eyes: Green 

Height:  4′9.5

Build: Slender and lean, body of a Dancer.

Distinguishing Marks: 

Common Accessories: Sometimes she wears gloves, a bow in her hair, or at times she even had the golden hand accessories. 

Personal ––– –

Profession: Performer, musician, venue founder.

Hobbies: Playing instruments, reading, making new types of tea, learning, exploring.

Likes: Tea, cooking, music, dancing, learning, books, exploration, helping others, being with her friends. 

Dislikes: Violence, others disrespecting her friends, injustice. 

Languages: Eorzean Common, Hingan, Doman

Residence: Has an apartment in Shirogane and a small home in the Goblet. She makes trips between Eorzea and the Far East. 

Birthplace: Sui-no-Sato.

Religion: The Kami. 

Patron Deity: None in particular. 

Relationships ––– -

Spouse: None.

Children: None.

Parents: Biological father in Sui-no-Sato, biological mother deceased. Adoptive father, Memnoc Sin’fel.

Siblings: Only child.

Other Relatives: A few cousins, aunts and uncles she does not keep much contact with.

Pets: Her chocobo named Nahar.

Traits ––– -

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Additional information ––– –

Smoking Habit: None. 

Drugs: Never tried.

Alcohol: Would drink sociably with her friends. 

RP Hooks ––– –

Music: Seraphina loves music. She loves to strum away at her harp and it was a pastime she did as she traveled about the realm of Eorzea on her own. It is also what she does as a performer at the Izakaya as well as the Cosmere. It was also what got her by for earning gil as she performed at the local taverns and inns throughout the realm.

Exploration: Seraphina, by all means, is not a fighter. Despite this she travels wherever she pleased, until she had an unfortunate encounter with an Inquisitor of the Holy See during the Dragonsong War...now she goes to new places with a little bit more caution and learning about the locals before she does. And because she is so fascinated by all things new, she is more than happy to talk about places she has yet to go herself.

Learning/Education: Being from Sui-no-Sato, there are many things that she wants to learn. Her curious nature and thirst for knowledge knows no bounds! She had dabbled in botany because she was interested by the flora and fauna of the surface (she loves flowers), she sought out books on surface wildlife, and much more. She could sit for hours and listen to her friends go on about anything, including something as complex as aetherology. This makes her an ideal student and thus she studies red magic under her mentor, Hoid. But just because she has one mentor doesn’t mean she can’t have another to teach her something else. 

OOC Info ----- 

- I’m 27 years old (in a happy relationship tvm), work full time...pretty consistent schedule so I would be on FFXIV during certain hours of the day. If I’m not then there is always tumblr I could be reached through. So I believe it’s reasonable to ask that people respect my personal life. I’m also a very story driven roleplayer, who likes to stick to the lore (sometimes there is some lore bendy things with friends but that’s just within the group itself...cause why not? XD) I also don’t tend to partake in AU versions of my character, or non-canon scenarios. But I am willing to make new plot-lines that may even involve others that my characters know.

-  Communication is IMPORTANT! Don’t hesitate to talk to me if you have questions or feeling unsure, or if there is an idea that you might find entertaining. Depending on what it is you might get a no or a yes, but you’ll never know unless you bring it up to me.

Will do

Character injury

Dark, mature, adult themes (just keep in mind that Seraphina is not a fighter but she has helped others in stuff like investigations or helping on the side.)

Lore-friendly stuff that follows along the FF Universe. (ex: voidsent, auspice, kami, primals, lineage. Job/Soulstones) I’m not that picky. 

It never hurts to ask~! 

Won’t do

I have morals, so no filth, underage stuff (NO THANK YOU) that can stay far away. 

Purely smut/ERP. (I’m story driven so I require more substance in my writing).

AU/non-canon stuff. 

Character death.

No lala relationships (friendship is nice though). 

At the end of the day, all I ask is simply be respectful. If you’re unsure, simply ask me. It’s better to be aware than to not be. 

I would like to add something that I find entirely important to me. KEEP IC AND OOC SEPARATE. Real life comes first always. I won’t tolerate any drama (it takes the fun out of roleplay and the game, which I’m sure no one wants). But if you do have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask! 

Contact Information  ––– –

- You can DM directly on Tumblr. Or you can find me either on Diabolos or Mateus (Since I tend to visit that world often) under ‘Seraphina Cantatrix’. 

[atxlxs]

Beyond The Veil: Chapter 9

As she and Aizawa approached the door to the principal's office, she noticed he went to slow down to knock but Eras wasn’t dumb.

She saw that camera hidden in the wood of the door.

Without missing a beat, she walked forward through the now open doors as Aizawa faltered for half a second. Muttering the words ‘fuckin rat’ under his breath and Eras took a sharp breath as she held back a snort. Instead, she turned her attention to Nedzu and All Might. The latter was sitting on a couch and the minute Eras turned her head to him and sniffed, she could smell the metallic scent of blood. He was covered in the scent. A tell tale sign of injury.

Not that she didn’t know about that before she entered the room.

Is it really that surprising for a few people to figure out a national secret when it was literally walking around?

“Ah Eras-san,” of course the rat had listened in on their conversation at the gate, “Welcome, please have a seat. Tea?” Nedzu asked, his tone deceptively light.

“Thank you, If you have any green tea that would be delightful. I can only stomach certain kinds of tea.” That was a lie, well kind of. In reality Eras just didn’t like most human drinks or food, preferring coffee and Boba to just tea. Green Tea’s are the only kind she can have without it tasting like getting hit in the face with a bunch of spices. A consequence of her vampire attributes.

“Of course, I'll prepare that right away!” Eras nodded and watched as Nedzu started making the tea before taking her gaze off of him to settle it on the #1 pro.

She narrowed her eyes.

The man flinched.

Good.

“Before we start Nedzu,” an flip of the tail told her he was listening, “I think we could agree that All Might should save his time for when the Bakugo’s get here considering it would be a shock for them to see the hero deflate like a balloon after a 5 year old’s birthday party.”

All Might instantly deflated and started hacking up blood. Nedzu was cackling and Eras could hear the softly muttered ‘deserved’ from behind her where Aizawa was standing, leaned against the wall.

“How?!?” All Might stammered. Eras just sighed and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, her face the picture of unimpressed.

“You are a walking national secret that could potentially throw the country of japan into chaos with merely announcing said injury. I believe it's quite honestly predictable that at least someone would know about it. Besides, Nedzu wasn’t the only individual trying to get access to the veil. People in the veil are beyond what constitutes as human. Especially when it comes to life expectancy. Some people who wish to live long lives to further their ideals come to the veil seeking answers. Supervillains and the like.” The man's face paled at the last part and Eras felt a bit of relief at that.

At least he wasn’t a total idiot when it came to reading between the lines.

(Eras had been keeping track of All for One since she learned of his existence. Even after the man supposedly died, she made sure to keep an ear out.)

“Besides, even if I didn’t know beforehand, as you’ve demonstrated you're consistently either covered in blood, or seconds away from expelling it. I could smell it the moment I walked in here.” Eras stated simply. Reveling in the man’s confused fear.

That was until a tea cup was placed in front of her.

Nedzu was vibrating with glee.

Oh. Oh no. She had forgotten Nedzu didn’t know what race she was yet. Fuck.

“Thank you.” she said, conveniently ignoring her slip up. What he doesn’t know can’t be used against her.

“You're quite welcome. The Bakugo’s will be here in another 20 minutes since it does take a bit of time to arrive from their place of work.” The rat smiled that polite smile that grated her nerves wrong. That was the fake smile of something inhuman trying to act as society demands.

Just like her own tight lipped smile.

She sighed and turned to Nedzu. Eyes that were once black were now glowing a toxic green as she allowed herself to smile fully, fangs displayed for everyone in the room to see. Ignoring the sharp intake of breath from the occupant still leaned against the wall and sputtering All Might, Eras kept her gaze on Nedzu. Conveying with her inhuman qualities that she wouldn’t judge him.

The feral smile she got in return was satisfying.

“You can ask Nedzu. You have 20 minutes after all.” Eras allowed her eyes to dim back to their black and returned to her usual smile.

Nedzu kept his feral smile in place as his eyes gleamed and Eras came to a conclusion. She liked the chimera. Sure she will still call him rat man and other nicknames but he was truly just curious. Also, he stopped at verbal answers instead of testing every and anything like the elves.

“Based on what I’ve seen, you're a vampire. Though you do greatly contradict the basic stereotype for your kind found in lore and novels. Evident especially with the green glow we were allowed to witness, as well as having short fangs on the bottom row of teeth with the usual top and longer ones. Is that the norm or are you different?”

Right for the gut huh? Eras returned her sharp smile to her face. She could appreciate intellect and getting to the heart of a matter quickly and efficiently.

“As you’ve already hypothesized,” she saw Nedzu’s grin grow wider, “I am not normal for my kind. Specifically, my title is an ‘Origin’, in lore and new veil members though, I am referred to as a pureblood. True to the name, I was born the way I am a long time ago.”

“How intriguing. Muska had informed us before but vampires were the original members of the veil and held most of the information. I won’t press for more since we were already told we were going to be limited, however what exactly is the hierarchy like for Vampires? I assume Origin is a title for someone relatively high on the social hierarchy.”

Eras leaned back in her chair, sighing a bit as she remembered the fact that she was directly involved in politics, even if she was only called upon for those meetings, but she shook her head to get back on track.

“Essentially, we are ruled through clans, which then are ranked socially and politically by generation. Not generation as in blood descendants but generation by creation.” Eras shifted a bit as she gestured to her fangs. “Purebloods can create vampire brethren, fledglings, through a process I will not explain for reasons. These are known as 1st generations and resemble what you’re used to except things like weakness to silver and garlic. Honestly, I have no clue as to where that comes from. As you expect, anyone they turn are 2nds and they make 3rds. There are rules in place for those who are 4th generation though because at that point, for unknown reasons, the created creature is not a vampire but a Parafron, a bloodthirsty hunter that loses its mind within the first 100 years.”

Nedzu seemed to catch the implication because his eyes seemed to gleam brighter, if that was possible.

“You're a clan leader.” He simply stated. Eras nodded with a small smirk.

“Yes, as you may have noticed, I have a… mark... on my neck. Contrary to belief, I didn’t get a tattoo. I was born with it to mark what clan I’m from. A side effect from being an origin. My clan, however, is smaller than the rest due to my specific responsibilities that come with the mark.”

She could tell Nedzu noticed she was skirting around names and titles. Thankfully the chimera simply nodded and looked towards his computer. His smile dimmed and the gleam faded from his eyes as he turned back.

“Seems the Bakugo’s have arrived! Present Mic is currently meeting and leading them here.”

Eras nodded and she returned her now narrowed gaze to an All Might who squirmed. He had definitely forgotten her ire during her and Nedzu’s convo.

A mistake.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Muska was very concerned.

Why?

Greenie was very concerning.

When Eras had left, Muska turned back to greenie who had been spluttering still from Eras' blatant appreciation for saving her ass. The teen looked shocked, as if he didn’t just save her from third degree chemical burns. Sighing, which grabbed the teen’s attention back to her, Muska raised an eyebrow and stared at Midoriya.

“Did you expect her not to thank you? You literally dragged me out of the way of an explosion while I was frozen. Admittedly, not my best moment. You acted just like a hero and all that jazz, you deserve the thanks. Oh btw, when Eras means if you need anything, she means if you need anything. Even hiding a body she’d help as long as she gets plausible deniability.” Muska said, watching as very green eyes started to water.

At the last bit, Midoriya let out a wet snort and held a hand to his mouth to muffle it. Then he darted up, ramrod straight, as he returned wide eyes to Muska’s. He seemed to search her for something which made Muska more than just a little confused.

“Do you mean it?”

It was softly said. She almost didn’t hear it, but when she did she was even more confused.

“Mean what?”

“That I acted like a h-hero?”

“Of course? Why would I lie about that?” she asked, confusion lacing every word in genuine puzzlement.

It seemed that was the breaking point because Midoriya broke out into sobs. Not knowing what to do, Muska stared wide-eyed as her new friend(?) started to break down in front of her. Not knowing if touch would help, which she also really didn’t want to do because she wasn’t fond of contact with people she didn’t know well (nor did she know what to say), she just stared awkwardly. The part that worried her most though, was how near silent his crying was. As if he wouldn’t, no couldn’t, make a sound.

The sobs tapered off and Muska sat up and turned towards Midoriya. She made sure he calmed down enough to listen, but not quite enough for the sheepish ‘I’m sorry’ to finish coming out of his mouth.

“It's a fine greenie. If you’d be willing, mind explaining if I did something wrong? I also assume I’m on friendship level one considering it’s the second day of school so I don’t expect answers but I’d appreciate a heads up. Are they at least happy tears?” Muska made sure her features were softer than normal, a hard earned skill since she had a resting bitch face that scared people away when she wasn’t focused on playing nice.

That and the barking. Could you blame her if it worked in keeping assholes away?

Midoriya snapped his head up and started throwing his hands around in a rejection gesture before he whipped off excess tears in order to speak over the floodgates of his eyes. Seriously, he could probably fill a bathtub.

“Oh no no, these are happy tears! It’s just, no one has ever really said that to me before. The hero thing. So I was just… really happy?” A hand raised to sheepishly hold the back of Greenie's neck as left over tears spilled and a bright red blush poked through tan freckled skin.

“Why wouldn’t they? I mean Hero’s seem pretty important to Japanese society so like, there must have been a few?” Muska said. This conversation was giving her very bad vibes. Like curtains that block you from seeing someone in a hospital bed. All ominous and nerve wracking.

“I uh-” He cuts off, thinking hard about what he was about to say. He glanced over a few times, soaking in the honest confusion on her face, and possibly going over every detail of their meetings so far this year.

“I- I well, I may have manifestedmyquirkduringtheentranceexam-” Midoriya stuttered and launched the words out of his mouth fast enough that they were barely intelligible, only to slam his mouth shut with a click and wide eyes.

“Ok? I am…. Still very confused here. What does manifesting your quirk that late have to do with the hero bit? Granted that does explain your lack of control.” Muska added, somewhat regretting the last bit when Midoriya flinched,

Then, he shot up ramrod straight and disbelief started to enter his eyes as he processed her last statement.

“I was- I was quirkless most of my life?” He added, his posture defensive and prepared to take a hit. Emotionally or physically.

“So?”

A minute passed. Then 2 more.

Midoriya promptly burst into tears again and Muska sighed. A world weary heavy sigh.

She’s so done with everything today.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tags:

@baguettehead

[stillwinterair]

I have so much creative energy that, like clockwork, manifests in me almost every single day at around midnight, give or take an hour or two to either end (I also get it in the afternoon between like 2 and 4 but it's not as strong and not nearly as consistent). It's when I have my best ideas and can generally work the most effectively; I can very easily sit down and hyper-focus on a project.

Unfortunately, work really prevented me from taking advantage of that because I was usually asleep then. Quarantine was going to be the perfect opportunity to actually... create! To actually do the things I wanted to do in life, to write and outline and work on creative projects and run ttrpgs!

Except... my cat. My cat also, like clockwork, has a mode she enters every night at midnight, give or take an hour or two in either direction. It is her "scream and cry and demand attention, but only play a little bit, mostly I just want to sit in the same room as a person, but it HAS to be a particular room, and you HAVE to look at least vaguely in my direction the whole time, and at least one of your hands HAS to be empty or I will know you're not paying attention to me, and we occasionally have to get up and walk to another room for a few minutes, and then we can go back, and you HAVE to be touching me, except now you CANNOT be touching me, except now you HAVE to be touching me, and if you don't do all of these things then I will go so far out of my way to cause a ruckus and make as much noise as possible and wake up Ash who has to go to bed early because she has work early every morning" mode and it has prevented my creative juices from being able to flow almost every single night for the last year.

I do get a lot of reading done during the several hours per night where I tend to just... wander around the apartment at Lilith's whim. Usually it's not a problem for her, we just sorta walk around and I give her some fuss until she doesn't want fuss anymore but DEFINITELY still wants someone near her (but it HAS to be in the room that she wants it to be in, which is usually Ash's office).

But when I'm not using up that creative energy, it builds. And I have so much trouble using it at other points in the day. If I start trying to write at 1 in the afternoon, I can't do it. It doesn't work. But when the feeling hits, when I get in the zone? It's pouring out of me. I have so much creativity to spend, and for every night I don't have a chance to indulge, the night after is only more intense.

Sometimes I get around it a little bit by opening a Google doc or a note file from my phone, but it's just definitively not even close to the same. All I can do is write down my ideas in a bulleted list, but the act of trying to actually write from my phone is just a recipe for frustration. I've tried to being my laptop with me from room to room, but Lilith seems to hate that (she doesn't even like it when I'm reading a particularly large book, but seems okay when I have a paperback I can read in one hand).

So this leads to nights like tonight, where my creative energy is boiling over, and I need to spend it so I won't go crazy, but then I'm working on a project in 30-60-second chunks broken up by several minutes of fussing over Lilith because as soon as I leave her alone she finds something loud to slam on until it wakes Ash up.

I can't put her in any kind of baby jail like you usually can for cats because she is SO loud and SO stubborn that it basically negates the entire point of using one. She absolutely refuses to rest in the living room, which is where most of my stuff is that I use for creative projects, and she goes on and on for hours

Anyway. I love her very much. She has just been making it so incredibly difficult to make any progress on literally anything that I want to be doing lately. It's incredibly frustrating and has become so much worse since moving to this apartment and I don't know what to do about it. It's making me feel terrible because I've been in quarantine for over a year now and have accomplished nothing, and not even for lack of trying, but because the time of the day when I am the most able to produce content and absorb information, I just can't.

And I kept trying to start running new ttrpg campaigns over the course of the pandemic and I feel like I keep letting people down but I do so much of my work on them during this creative window of mine every night, so I keep getting halfway ready to run things and then I can't put any more work in because my cat is completely absorbing 100% of my creative time. I feel like I keep wasting my friends' time in addition to my own and it makes me feel guilty -- and then I feel even MORE guilty, because of how much of this I'm blaming on a cat!

I feel like I'm going crazy! I feel like I'm having an existential crises crisis every single night for 4-5 hours! Some nights Lilith is content and goes to bed early only to wake up at 4 and lasts until the sun comes up and then I just don't sleep. Some nights I prepare, put aside everything and do something idly that can be put down easily, and those are the nights she sleeps peacefully, every time!

I just. This was a non-issue for so long, because I'm so used to cats having weird quirks like this, and hers is generally easy to take care of: it's late, and she wants someone to sit with and very occasionally play with; I can do that, easy. I didn't have much time for creativity when I was working, anyway.

But a year into quarantine, and looking at all the projects I started, and have gotten so much farther in than I ever would have been able to before -- all the lore documents and scripts and outlines and fanfictions and novels and RPG rulebooks and design documents. All of these things paled in comparison to the whims of my cat.

It's so very silly when I actually lay it out like this. Like, this is genuinely something that has been a huge source of depression and anxiety and self-consciousness for months. And then I write it all out and I'm like... Really? A cat?

But, man, I really don't know what to do. I don't know how to train her not to lose her mind precisely when I need space to concentrate at my desk, without creating a situation that would be actively worse for my partner, AND for our neighbors, because boy, if I did the thing you're technically "supposed" to do with cats (ignore them and let them work through their complaints and realize they're okay on their own, potentially lock them in a room with food and water and a litter box until they calm down), she would wake up the entire fucking neighborhood.

I don't know, this whole problem is dumb but it's literally consuming my life. I just need this very particular atmosphere at a certain time of day in order to be creative, and it's been within arm's reach for a year now, but it's been unachievable because my cat is an unstoppable destructive force

I really do not know how to write any of this out without sounding completely insane but I am losing so much sleep and getting so much anxiety over it aaaauuugghhhh this is unfortunately what we get for naming our cat after a demon

[meteor752]

A Swedish Christmas

So now that Christmas time is near and I’m officially out on the internet doing shit, I’ve come to realize how strange my countries traditions are, compared to for example Americans.

I am Swedish, which I’ve mentioned a few times and it says “Swedish” in the title so it’s hard to miss, and our beloved cold country is really weird around Christmas.

Now, I am aware of the fact that other countries do weird stuff too, but I only know these traditions and I know that they are ridiculous. So let me take you through the Christmas here in good ol’ Sweden, my dear American and everything else (I’m not going to ramble up 189 different countries).

Oh, and before we start, Christmas in Sweden is Jul, just so ya know.

So in September (Yes, you read that right, September) stores start selling a drink called Julmust. Julmust is honestly a pretty bland drink that mostly tastes like water with a bit of sugar and darkness, but everyone loves it and drinks tons of it every Christmas. This exact drink is also sold around easter, where it’s called Påskmust, and there’s no difference between the two but it’s still sold as two different drinks.

When December finally rolls around and you’ve drunk this drink for three months and are already sick of it, you buy a choklad Kalender. A choklad Kalander is a piece of cardboard with a picture on a santa and a reindeer most of the time, and inside it is the worst chocolate you will ever taste, and you eat one piece of it for 24 days.

They also start showing the Jul Kalender, where they play a ten-minute episode of a show consisting of 24 episodes until Christmas eve, with a nowadays horribly written story and the worst child acting you will ever find. Call me nostalgic, but it was better when I was a kid. This year Jul Kalander is how kids have stopped believing in Santa because the parents dress up like him instead, so the current Santa has to make everyone believe in him again, together with his wife who is played by Swedish Kris Jenner and the two kids both with Jul themed names.

This is also the time when you start baking, and god we bake a lot.

There’s Lussekatter, a bun formed like an S that consists of 90% saffron and if you would ask me tastes horrible, Havreflarn that makes you mouth drier than the Sahara, Knäck that you always fail with doing so it’s either so hard that it will crack your teeth or so soft that it gets stuck in the paper and Skumtomtar. If you have ever gone to a school ever, you have probably eaten about a hundred Skumtomtar each Christmas because they are cheap and small, so ever teacher hands them out all the time.

And then there’s Lucia. Lucia is probably the weirdest tradition we have here, and the reason I wanted to make this post. It is taken from Italy (What???), and I won't go too deep but basically on the 13th December everyone dresses in white nightgowns and sing about Jesus.

Alright I will go a little deeper than that, though it might sound confusing.

So in a Lucia tåg (Which it is called), there are three traditional roles. 

The Tärna is what the girls are. A tärna has the nightgown, they have glitter in their hair and around their waist and they hold a candle in their hand. Simple, right???

The boys are Stjärngossar. A Stjärngosse also has the nightgown, though instead of glitter they have a cone with three stars on their head, and a star on a flower stick in their hand. They also have a specific song called “Staffan Var En Stalledräng” that has nothing to do with them.

In front of all the Stjärngossarna and Tärnorna is the Lucia, often a blonde girl (Though the real Lucia was dark-haired, but nowadays they always have bright hair). The Lucia has the nightgown as well, but on the top of her head there’s a crown of candles and around her waist a red band that is supposed to represent blood, because lore.

(I have to show a picture, because this all sounds ridiculous)

Yeah sometimes there are Santa’s and Gingerbread’s in it too, but not usually. Also The Stjärngossarna are supposed to wear gowns and the Tärnorna are supposed to wear glitter around their waist, but this was the best picture I could find.

Now, what do the Lucia tåg do, you might ask? Well they wake up at 5 AM in the morning, walks around the neighborhood with a tray of Lussekatter and glögg, aka warm juice that tastes disgusting to me, knock on doors and starts to sing maybe like one or two songs, offer the people a Lussekatt and continue their walk.

This is the weirdest shit I can think of, and also why I love my country so god damn much.

So now Lucia’s behind us, and it’s finally Christmas Eve!

Actually no, let’s talk about the 23rd first. On the 23rd, the entirety of Sweden is sitting in their living rooms and playing Bingo on TV, for whatever reason! After that is over, instead of leaving out milk and cookies to Santa, we leave a bowl of Porridge and some Julmust. 

Christmas eve starts out with breakfast where we eat porridge and rhyme to it. Yes, we make rhymes about our porridge. And we are not yet done with the Porridge, nope! In the Porridge we put an almond, and whoever gets the almond gets married the next year. Yeah, we actually do this! We also dip the darkest bread you will ever find in a big saucepan of Hambroth, and then eat it! It’s disgusting I tell you, but tradition!!!

At 3 PM we watch Donald Duck, which is a bunch of Disney Clips that is shown every year since the 1960s, so the clips are really old with really bad quality, and they aren’t in Swedish so a man voices over all the lines in the most monotone voice I’ve ever heard. And you can’t even suggest Skipping Donald Duck, that is fucking tradition and everyone hates you if you do. 

As soon as Donald Duck’s over you eat your god damn Christmas food and drink the Julmust, and after it you just sit around and wait for Santa. Yeah, you heard that right, Santa barges in on December the 24th! And from what I can tell (It’s hard to research this), we’re the only one who does this.

So ayways, some dad or grandpa will say “Well, I have to go buy some milk/newspaper” and it’s always those two. Two minutes later a half-drunk Santa comes in with a weird accent and delivers present after present slowly because the man who acts out Santa pretends to not being able to read for ten seconds and mispronounces your name on purpose, before leaving. 

I’m sorry, but what exactly happened to Santa when he came to Sweden? In every other country he’s like a spy that sneaks into houses and leaves after a millisecond on his magical sleigh with his magical reindeers and yaay!

 Did Santa get stopped by the cops or something the first time he came here?? Or what??

After the presents are opened, all the extended family goes home and you go to bed, and wake up on Christmas day like it’s a normal fucking Sunday. We don’t actually celebrate The 25th here folks, we ignore it! We’re all drunk at this point, either on adrenalin because you can play with your new toys! or on Alcholhol because we drink a lot here.

So yeah, that is Christmas in Sweden, gosh I love my country.

[forestwater87]

Cutting Myself on all this Edge

This post has no reason to exist, except that I keep bothering my friends with literally dozens of messages making fun of this and I need a place to keep it all.

What is “this”? Oh, just some people having some Fucking Strong Opinions about how Harry Potter is the Pied Piper (they use that comparison multiple times. It gets old fast) leading our children into the End Times with its pro-illuminati Satan-worshiping witchcraft lessons. You know, the usual.

And no, this isn’t a battle of Forest vs. the Crazy Christians; I’m like 94% sure I’m not working through any sort of religious trauma, partly because I never went deep into this kind of mentality but mostly because I’m just delighted by The Cutting Edge, a website for a very specific type of Christian (no, not you, Catholics. You’re specifically not invited to the Cutting Edge club because you worship demons) interested in the New World Order, the evils of public schools, and Satan’s favorite color.

No, really.

Satan’s favorite color is green. They don’t . . . really explain why.

This site still exists and is the best thing I’ve ever seen. Hours of fun for the whole family. I mean, look at their logo:

And look at their illustration that goes along with their particular Harry Potter series:

Are you not entertained?!

I cannot stop reading these amazing essays -- which delve surprisingly deep into Potter lore, considering they say that there is no sufficient reason for a Christian to ever read a single page of these books -- and I can’t keep harassing my friends with thousands of notifications, so here we are.

Starting small, let’s read the book review for Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s/Philosopher’s Stone. Or, as they prefer to call it:

This book chronicles Harry's first year at the Hogwart's School of Wizardry and Witchcraft.  Prepare to be shocked for the bold, blatant, and bodacious raw Satanism that underlines this story! Since "proper"Drug Use is essential in opening the centres of vision and achieving higher consciousness, we should not be surprised that First-Year students learn Drug Use, Drug creation, in a way that makes Drug use seem glorious! You will be shocked to see '666 ' in the story line, and symbols of Antichrist receiving a "fatal wound"!

That’s the entire subtitle. That’s just how they roll on

THE CUTTING EDGE

Part 1: The . . . Plot? I Guess?

This story introduces us to Harry Potter, an orphaned boy sent to live with his "horrible" Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and their fat, obnoxious son, Dudley. 

I feel very comfortable with the fact that Cutting Edge has chosen to put scare quotes around the word “horrible,” like that’s up for debate. Combined with the very normal and sane opinions expressed elsewhere on the site, this really bodes well for their ideas about parenting and childcare in general.

all through this book, any non-witch folk -- like Vernon and Petunia -- are depicting in disgusting language.  

Typo is theirs, as is the apparent offense they take to the fictional depiction of people who are very much not real. While there hasn’t been any exciting formatting going on yet in this essay, I will replicate it as much as possible, and any changes made will be clearly indicated through square brackets and ellipses.

Non-witch people are known as Muggles , and they are depicting as being "dumber than a box of rocks", of being physically obscene, and of living the most boring, unimaginative lives possible.

I was going to argue that this isn’t true, but I suppose we don’t really meet any cool Muggles in the first book. I guess I have to give them this, but I don’t feel good about it.

Witches, on the other hand, are depicted as being very smart, very "with it", of being physically normal, and of living wonderfully exciting lives

It bears repeating:

a flashback scene to the time 10 years earlier when Harry's Mom and Dad were psychically murdered by evil Lord Voldemort

Okay. Now I’m no Potterologist, and so I’m hoping any true believers will correct me if I misinterpret the holy texts,* but I don’t think Harry’s parents were psychically murdered by anyone. I’m pretty sure they were quite literally, physically made dead. Just because it’s a beam of magic doesn’t mean it’s not physical anymore, does it? Voldy didn’t Professor-X Harry’s parents and they died of three D10 psychic damage or anything; he just fucking killed them with a wizard gun. Am I wrong here?

*By which I obviously mean Harry Potter. It teaches children how to become Satanists; we’re clearly dealing with a book of immense spiritual relevance.

Skipping a little bit of plot summary, which is a combination of, well, summary of the plot, although Cutting Edge is determined to get Hogwarts’ name wrong, and a little bit of baffling End-Times(?) nonsense thrown in for funsies --

Of course, a Christian would be immediately alerted to this turn of events [in which Harry defeats Voldemort and is scarred] because soon a supernaturally powerful global leader will demand everyone on earth take some sort of a mark in exactly this place on the body.

What? 

-- and there’s some weird formatting things going on that I think are supposed to imply something sinister but really just come off as goofy:

They have Harry on a boat headed for nowhere and they had every intention of keeping Harry from ever attending Hogwarts School.  However, Harry receives supernatural assistance.

(It’s not letting me do colors on desktop, which is stupid, but that “supernatural” is supposed to be both bold and red)

There’s a long description about the difference between the Real and Fantasy worlds, which apparently Satanists try to live in both of (and so does Harry, making him also a Satanist. This is actually one of the less-stupid arguments Cutting Edge has for Harry’s Satanism, so just go with it) that’s honestly more boring than funny so I’m skipping it. Then we get to a much more fun section: why Rowling’s descriptions of Muggles are . . . teaching children to hate Jesus?

Part 2: Rowling Hates Muggles

Rowling consistently depicts people who do not practice Witchcraft in most obnoxious terms.  They are depicted as being really, really dumb, boring, and living a life not worth living .  We share these examples, below, with you so you can appreciate the truth of this statement.  Uncle Vernon was also the only Muggle quoted in the book as being really opposed to Witchcraft; therefore, when readers see how stupid, ugly, and boring Vernon is, they get the idea that all people who are opposed to Witchcraft must be as stupid, ugly, and boring as Vernon is.

... Are all people opposed to Witchcraft cowardly bullies?

I mean, you are the one going after a children’s book for daring to entertain children, so if the shoe fits . . .

"Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang ... Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader." [p. 31] How do you know your own child does not think of you in these terms?  After all, you are a non-magical Muggle.

I actually can’t complain, because this is just accurate. I 100% hate my parents and think they’re stupid because they’re not literally witches/wizards. Our relationship has never fully recovered.

"Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on." [p. 47] Remember Adolf Hitler, the most famous Black Magick wizard in modern history? He depicted Jews as Rats in his Propaganda Machinery, convincing the Germans they should extermination the "vermin".

GODWIN’S LAW HAS LANDED! 

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OR IN-BETWEEN, WE HAVE OFFICIALLY COMPARED HARRY POTTER TO HITLER!

We find it highly interesting that, later in the book, when the Evil Lord Voldemort is supposedly killing the unicorn in the Forbidden Forest, the color of the blood of the unicorn is silver! 

Okay, but like . . . why? I mean, it immediately follows a description of the Bloody Baron, who is depicted with silvery blood because he’s, like, a ghost, but I’m not sure what that has to do with unicorns or with Satan. Are unicorns associated with Satan? Is silver associated with Satan?

Is everything Satan? Am I Satan?

There’s a lot of rage at a gentleman named Chuck Colson throughout this section, who apparently made the grave error of telling parents it was okay for their children to read Harry Potter because it doesn’t involve contact with the supernatural. And I’ll admit, that seems like a pretty bad defense of the books, because if you define “supernatural” as ghosts, poltergeists, or whatever the hell Voldemort is, then there is absolutely a metric buttload of supernatural stuff in here.

Arguably, a better defense of why it’s okay for children to read these children’s books is that they are books made for children, but YMMV on that one. Probably depends on whether or not you think children are sitting in the giant metaphorical (or literal? Not sure Cutting Edge gets metaphors) lap of the Antichrist every time they pick up the books.

(A visual reminder.)

Part 3: Basically Part 2, But This Time There Are Colors

The next section is on colors, which are very important to Cutting Edge. As linked back in the very beginning of this post, there is an entire essay devoted to the demonic colors used in the Harry Potter books, but we get just a taste of it here:

Rowling makes use of vivid colors in her story line.  Some of these colors are consistent with the colors preferred by Satan and his followers in the Occult.  Rowling's use of such vivid colors also enables her to paint the Fantasy Reality of Witchcraft as THE most exciting place to live.  Wizard of Oz uses the same technique: when Dorothy is in her real world in Kansas, the color is black and white, but when she steps into her Fantasy Reality, the scene explodes in the most wonderful color.

Interesting interpretation. An alternative view is that Rowling needs to use more descriptors for things within the Wizarding World, because her readers won’t have the same frame of reference to draw from that they do with real-life objects and events in the Muggle World, and one can assume that these lovely descriptions are part of her being a, y’know, good and evocative writer, and the colors are just related to how she pictured the world she was creating.

But I mean, yours is good, too.

Actually, the citations provided by Cutting Edge don’t depict anything especially vivid; it’s not like she’s throwing massive amounts of purple prose at the descriptions of the Satanic green of Harry’s eyes. In fact, the only enhancer used is “emerald” at one point. For the most part, this essayist is just . . . noticing when the word “green” appears in the text and calling it a siren song to entice good Christian children out of the colorless world of reality and goodness and into the technicolor dreamland of magic and mayhem.

Also, please remember that Satan has a favorite color, and it’s green. For all birthdays and Christmases (or wait, whatever the Satanic version of Christmas is! Halloween?), please make sure all gifts are green or green-adjacent.

Even though Harry is nearly as powerful as a Black Magick practitioner, and could easily have decided to go over to that side, he declines to go over to the Dark Arts.  Dumbledore assures Harry that he is not evil as Lord Voldemort. However, as a symbol of the Black Arts he could perform, Rowling makes Harry's eyes green.

This observation -- and I use the term loosely -- implies that every single Slytherin and villain of the Harry Potter series would have green eyes, to demonstrate their capacity for evil. The fact that this is obviously not the case must just be a red herring.

Part . . . 4, I think?: Drugs, Magic, and Magic Drugs

Harry and his friends learn how to makedrugs, and the glory of taking them.

The fact that they don’t actually take any in this book is entirely irrelevant. (”Drugs” should also be red as well as bolded. It’s very serious business.)

The plant, wormwood, contains thujone, an hypnotic drug, banned by the FDA since 1915 [Christian News, "Latest Potter Book Meets Cautionary Response From Christians, July 17, 2000] ; further, wormwood is used to make Absinthe, a hallucinogenic liquor.  Therefore, the drug to which Rowling makes reference is very real, and is so dangerous the FDA has banned it -- to this day, it is banned!

While thujone was illegal at the time of this essay in the United States, it was actually never banned in the UK . . . you know, where these books take place and were written? I don’t think Rowling gives a solitary fuck about our FDA standards. Also, I don’t know if you could just straight-up buy wormwood on whatever the equivalent of Amazon was in 1998 (was it just Amazon?), but you sure can now. Can’t be all that scary.

You can hardly get a better description of drug use, and drug glorification than this!

I wonder why they keep using red to emphasize all these evil things . . . you’d think they’d go with Satan’s favorite color/the sign that Harry is the Antichrist to really jazz up all of the evil.

"The drug message in this book is clear. To reach your goals in life like Harry Potter, you need to know how to make drugs and take drugs in just the right way or else you are a 'dunderhead' and will never succeed." [http://www.fflibraries.org/Book_Reports/HarryPotter ; written by a physician and father who asked to remain anonymous].

The fact that this URL doesn’t lead me to that review is one of the saddest things I’ve faced all month.

The sections on spellcasting are far less interesting, reiterating a pretty simple refrain: all magic is bad, because the books say some magic is good then the books are bad, it’s all teaching children about Satanism. Rinse and repeat.

During final exams, teachers passed out special quills with which to write; these quills had been "bewitched with an Anti-Cheating spell".  The reason none of the teachers felt they could trust the honor of the students to not cheat is obvious enough; in Witchcraft, no Absolute Good and Evil exists.  All objective, eternal standards of conduct and morality have been rejected.  Therefore, teachers knew full well that all the students would cheat on their final exams if they thought they could get away with it.  It is a sad commentary that teachers had to place an Anti-Cheating spell on the quills to prevent exams cheating.  Christian parent, is this the "morality" you want your students to learn?

Now, it might just be my obvious Satanist addiction to witchcraft talking, but doesn’t it seem more likely that there’s an anti-cheating spell because sometimes . . . children cheat? And no amount of Good Wholesome Christian Teaching is going to completely eradicate the desire to cheat on a test, because of course it isn’t. 

It’s not because the school has taught the students that cheating is okay and cool and sexy or whatever -- in fact, if you want evidence that there is an absolute moral standard against cheating, it would be that the teachers are actively taking steps to prevent it! If witchcraft really was all about how there’s no such thing as good and evil . . . well, for one thing they wouldn’t teach Defense against the motherfucking Dark Arts, but they also wouldn’t care if their students cheated enough to provide anti-cheating quills, because they wouldn’t consider cheating a bad thing, because they wouldn’t consider anything a bad thing! 

Also, I’m not sure what listing all of the spells in the book and what they do really says about Satanism, except that . . . spells exist, and are used? Which I feel like you should really expect from the book about magic and wizards; if that’s an alarming surprise, then you’ve made a wrong turn somewhere way earlier down the road.

Part whatever: Seriously, Rowling is just ALL ABOUT Satan

This entire section is basically about how JKR must be a Satanist, because she apparently depicts the world of magic and the occult with perfect accuracy, and how could she do that except through being an active practicing witch herself?

Mirrors are believed to be a portal to another dimension, including Time.  Occultists believe they can go forward or backward in Time with a mirror being one of the Dimensional Portals.  Harry encounters a mirror, "magnificent ... as high as the ceiling, with an ornate gold frame, standing on two clawed feet ... Harry stepped in front of it. He had to clasp his hand to his mouth to stop himself from screaming ... for he had seen, not only himself in the mirror but a whole crowd of people standing right behind him ... 'Mom?', he whispered.  'Dad?' They just looked at him, smiling ... Harry was looking at his family, for the first time in his life." [p. 208-9] 

Intriguing theory, except of course for the fact that the mirror isn’t a portal to jack shit; unless you count the weird trick where he can get the stone (and only the stone) through wishes or whatever the fuck these idiots do, and all it does is show someone what they want. It’s not actually reaching into the past to find Harry’s parents or whatever, just like it’s not actually reaching into a parallel dimension future where Ron is the king of everything. It’s just . . . idk, reading their subconscious and throwing up a neat visual or something. With magic. It’s complex, but it’s definitely not what Cutting Edge says it is.

Not pictured: a portal to another physical, metaphysical or temporal dimension. It’s literally . . . just a mirror, but a mirror that reflects your insides instead of your outsides. It’s clever or something.

Do you realize Rowling has just made the creator of the Sorcerer's Stone 666 years old?  Do you realize what this means?  Since the number, '666', is a symbol of Antichrist and his Mark of the Beast [Revelation 13:18] and since Rowling ties this number to the Elixir of Life, Harry Potter is teaching children that the way to achieve eternal life [Elixir of Life] is to obey the Antichrist and take his Mark of the Beast!

Fucking. Yes. I don’t even have witty commentary for this, I’m just delighted by every word in that section. I’m smiling so much. 

This is a gift and we’re reading it for free!

Wonderful! We have the forbidden practice of drinking blood in this Potter book, forbidden in Scripture [Genesis 9:4-5] but practiced regularly in Satanism. I wonder if Chuck Colson, Focus On The Family, and Christianity Today ever told their Christian followers about this?  Have they even read this book, before they issued their acceptance of Potter?

Don’t you dare try to employ sarcasm. People who believe in the Illuminati and New World Order are not allowed to be sarcastic -- even if the thought of this faceless stranger typing that little clever “Wonderful!” and smirking to themselves about how witty they are is a very, very good mental image.

Also, what the fuck did unicorns do to deserve being associated with the Antichrist? I mean, I get the color green; it’s the color of nature and the outdoors, and that shit fucking sucks. (Fuck you, trees!) But unicorns?

Unicorns have never done anything to anyone, ever. Unicorns couldn’t be Satanists if they tried.

This means evil Lord Voldemort -- whose killing curse upon Harry, his Mom, and his Dad had rebounded against him when Harry did not die -- is near death, and is seeking to drink the Unicorn's blood to stay alive long enough to finally achieve eternal life through drinking the '666' Elixir of Life.

Yes, that is -- sort of -- the plot of this book.

This is the specific New Age doctrine being taught here: people will have to draw their temporary spiritual life from The Christ until the time comes when their individual consciousness will have been raised so much they will achieve their personal godhood, and live forever!

This concept is genuine New Age, is consistent with prophecy, and Rowling depicts it very well!

Christian parents, do you want your child to be taught this New Age doctrine?  Can you see Harry Potter playing the Pied Piper and leading your children straight to the Mark of the Beast?

Pied Piper count: 1 (that’s not a lot so far, but it’s used in like every essay. It’ll come back)

I don’t know how to tackle this, because I’m not sure Cutting Edge really understands that Voldemort is the bad guy in these books. Children aren’t going to read this book and then go, “Cool! I’m gonna go stab a unicorn and drink its essence because my favorite role model You-Know-Who told me to!”

The unicorn blood thing is unilaterally portrayed as a pretty bad move. Voldemort’s goals in general are pretty obviously not great ideas. I know Cutting Edge doesn’t have the benefit of hindsight here, but Voldemort’s quest for immortality and how bad and wrong and fucked-up that is, is kind of one of the major through-lines of the entire story. It could be argued that it’s not Voldy’s desire to live forever that’s wrong so much as his whole, like, genocide thing, which is legit . . . except that all the methods to attain immortality involve killing someone, or stealing something, or otherwise being Not a Good Dude.

Voldemort is Not a Good Dude, and I don’t know how to communicate that any clearer than the books written for third graders already did.

Part 6: I don’t really know, I just wanted a chance to break this endless essay up and this seemed like a good place to do it. So let’s talk about spells some more

Many spells require both the taking of drugs and demonic possession, so it is a matter of gravest importance that Harry is actually going to learn to cast spells.  When Chuck Colson dismisses the casting of spells as innocent and of no real importance, did he know this fact?

I seem to have missed the part where Harry goes off his ass on LSD and gets possessed by B’aal. Was that in the Silmarillion? 

whenever a witch changes the physical characteristics of something, he or she is practicing very high-level witchcraft, has a high level of demonic possession, and has had to carry out human sacrifice themselves or have someone else do it for them.

“It’s fiction” is often a bullshit excuse to justify bad framing, but I feel like it applies here, because maybe in the “real” world spellcasting requires you to trip balls and summon demons, but it’s extremely obvious that it doesn’t work like that in Harry Potter! You can’t just say that’s what the books are teaching when the books aren’t actually teaching anything even close to that! 

(I’m starting to feel like my emphasis italics are having a similar effect to Cutting Edge’s red bolded letters. Fuck if I’m gonna stop using them, though.)

If Harry and his pals were wearing goat heads and putting virgins into a giant blender or something I think you might have an argument here, but when the people reading your essay have eyes and can see that the things you’re describing aren’t anywhere in the books, you’re just lying. And it’s very obvious, and I still love you, Cutting Edge, but you’re being disingenuous and it’s starting to kill my joy-boner to constantly have to point out the ways you’re misunderstanding a children’s book, especially when I think you’re kinda doing it on purpose. So how about you chill just a little bit and we’ll all read some Harry Potter together.

Magical Drafts and Potions , by Arsenius Jigger.  Some of the potions are very real, very deadly.

Wait, did Rowling publish this one, too? How do you know what’s in the book? Does the book list some real potions and how to make them, or is this another thing that’s only available in the Cutting Edge’s copy of the books? 

Students were told they could also "bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad." [p. 67]  These three creatures are important to an occultists. Satanists have always revered the cat because of its reputed "nine lives", which is a symbol of reincarnation. Cats are also symbols of a witch's familiar spirit.

They have revered the frog because his prominent bulging eyes represent the All-seeing nature of Lucifer.  Frogs are also consistently used in many of the potions witches concoct.  They revere owls as a symbol of occult wisdom and omniscience -- again because of their eyes.

So fuck cats, I guess. They’re being pretty unfair to owls and frogs too -- especially insulting their poor eyes. They can’t help it! -- but I’m a crazy cat lady and I’m not feeling this slander.

Actually . . . my cat looks pretty high right now. Maybe she is channeling Satan.

Okay, never mind. Fuck all these animals. They’re all evil. This article is entirely right, and I renounce all of my previous statements.

McGonagall has obviously mastered her Craft because she was the tabby cat seen by Uncle Vernon reading a map, back in chapter one.  Remember that any time a witch or wizard practices transfiguration, they need expert spell-casting, and demonic possession.  I bet no one ever told you that little fact, did they?

No, they didn’t, because it’s not even remotely relevant to the fictional book written for children.

Like, I’m trying very hard to not question anyone’s religious beliefs, so if you believe in the occult and magic and all that then more power to you, and maybe it’s totally valid to think that real-life magic spells requires demonic possession. That doesn’t make it true in the books, though! Stop making shit up!

Potions Class -- taught in one of the dungeons [p. 136]  How disgusting must the atmosphere for this class, and others, taught in a dungeon, which was built to torture people to death?

If only the classroom, teacher, and overall environment for the Potions classes was meant to be as viscerally unpleasant as possible. Then putting them in the dungeons would be a really good idea, to reflect the Slytherins’ backwards beliefs and the misery of their intolerance.

Like, JKR isn’t this subtle. When you name one of your antagonists “Bad Dragon,” you’re not aiming for this subconscious-symbolism bullshit.

Part 7: Did you think this book had a good moral? Fuck you!

The fundamental occult/Communist philosophy

Well, I guess we’re talking about Communism now! Because if there’s anything Harry Potter is interested in above all else, it’s Communism.

My favorite things about these essays is how they will pull in other social ills -- abortion, public schools, communism -- and slap them into their argument regardless of if it makes any semblance of sense.

Anyway, Cutting Edge actually has a legitimate argument here, although they take it about 50 steps too far:

the "Ends Justify The Means" permeates this entire book.  To achieve a goal deemed good, Harry and his friends consistently break rules, steal, and use Witchcraft against others.

It is true that Harry and his friends break the rules, lie, and otherwise do “bad” things in the service of an ultimate good, and that they suffer relatively few consequences for it. This is a legitimate point, and actual people who know things agree.

I’ve been struck speechless by this article before, but this is the first time it’s because I think they might have an actual point.

Hermione was very mildly punished [for her lie to the professors about why they were fighting the troll], but her lie cemented a friendship with Ron and Harry, leading a child to conclude that her lie served an excellent purpose, and could not be considered 'wrong'.

I mean . . . yeah? I don’t think it’s entirely reasonable to assume that children will take that lesson away, but I read it as a child and I certainly didn’t think Hermione was wrong to lie -- nor do I now, which I suppose proves just how powerful the Satanic conditioning was.

Professor Quirrell told Harry, "There is no good or evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it ." [p. 291]  This is standard Witchcraft, and standard Illuminist doctrine.  This doctrine is the guiding light to those Illuminists who are driving the world into the Kingdom of Antichrist.  This doctrine is very seductive to those immature children trying to grow up in our current culture; since a child's inherent nature is evil, he will find such philosophy more appealing than the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Christian parents, beware!

Oh thank God Satan, we’re back to the bullshit. I was getting seriously weirded out by the idea that they had good points buried in here somewhere, but now we’re just faced with the argument that the bad guy says . . . bad things . . . and is defeated because his bad ideas are obviously bad and wrong . . . and this proves that the book is teaching children to believe the bad things?

No one reads these books and wants to be the bad guys, Cutting Edge. Kids aren’t buying Harry Potter wands and robes to pretend that they’re Quirrell, trying to keep people from finding out they have a Dark Lord on the back of their head. (Though now that I’ve mentioned it, that sounds like a very fun game.) 

Depicting bad things in a way that makes it clear -- to children, I must reiterate -- that they’re bad isn’t the same thing as romanticizing or promoting those bad things. This is basic stuff, CE.

Revenge Motive : "Hagrid almost had to drag Harry away from Curses and Countercurses (Bewitch Your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges:  Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue-Tying, and Much, Much More , by Vindictus Viridian." [p. 80] Throughout these books, seeking revenge and attacking your enemies is high on the priority list of Harry, his friends, and other students.  Do you want your children to adopt this most Satanic attitude?  Notice the first name of the author of this revenge book, above, is named "Vindictus, i.e., Vindictive".

Students are taught to depend upon Witchcraft for every part of their lives .  All food is conjured up rather than prepared, all the dishes are conjured clean, and even the hospital depends upon Witchcraft to get students well [p. 156].  Neville Longbottom, one of the more clumsy students, received a crystal ball from his grandmother called a Remembrall .  The ball glows scarlet if you have forgotten something you should have done. [p. 145]

That’s . . . fuck, that’s actually kind of another good point. Stop kinda making sense, goddamn it!

A lot of the criticism is just that the things wizards do are cool, which will make kids want to become witches/wizards in order to do those cool things, too. And to be fair, the stuff Harry et. al. does are cool, and I did want to be a witch when I grew up. Fortunately, I was in third grade, and so my options for witchcraft were relatively limited; by the time I was old enough to pursue the endeavor properly, I was also old enough to know that it was actually nothing like Harry Potter. If magic actually was anything like those books make it seem, we’d have a lot more witches running around, zapping shit.

Possible reference to homosexuality .  When I was first researching Harry Potter, I examined several pro-Potter websites. The author of one of the articles said that one of the probable developments she felt would occur in the latter books was the advent of homosexuality in the story theme. She said such activity was only hinted at in the first books.  

Oh dear god, Cutting Edge found the shippers. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

(I wonder if this means they’ve also read the Draco Trilogy.)

I do have to take issue with one last point in this bit about morals, where they talk about how scarring it might be to a child to see Voldemort possessing the back of Quirrell’s head:

Rowling could not have created a better description of demonic possession by a dark and powerful demon!  Christian parent, is this the type of thing you want your child to bring into their minds?

Thing is, I’ve been in a lot of Christian circles for most of my life, and this sounds exactly like the kind of dark, traumatizing thing many religious parents would be happy to put into their children’s minds.

Part Almost Done: Definitely Intentional Satanic Symbols, Really

Hey, did you know the number 11 was occultist? I didn’t, and when I Googled it, 4 of the front-page results were Christian or conspiracy groups making this claim, 2 were unclear, and 3 actually seemed to indicate some level of belief in the power of the number 11. Though I might’ve stacked the deck with the word “occult”; when I changed my search term to “magic,” I found almost exclusively positive articles about the symbolic power of the number 11, so . . . Cutting Edge isn’t necessarily wrong. 

But boy, did you know how many times the number 11 shows up in Sorcerer's Stone? Not very much, but if we stretch our credibility a little bit, we might see something spooky!

Harry was eleven (11) when he was admitted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  The number eleven is considered sacred to the occultist, as it is the first primary number.  Occultists will also add up numbers to get an occult number that is sacred; thus, I was highly interested when the bank vault maintained for Harry by his Mom and Dad before their death was numbered '713' [p. 73].  When you add '7 + 1 + 3 = 11'.  Then, we learn that, in the money of the Fantasy Reality, "twenty-nine Knuts to a Sickle".  When you add 2 + 9 = 11.

When Harry found the wand that was meant for him, it turned out to be 11 inches long! [p. 84]

The Hogwarts Express Train left at 11 o'clock from Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. [p. 91]

Oh man, that’s some convincing evidence. Evidence of what, I have no idea, but it uses math and I’m sure it’s very alarming!

" Sorcerer's Stone " is also called the "Philosopher's Stone", and is very, very Satanic!  Rosicrucianism teaches that an Initiate will pass through five stages to become the highest Adept possible, to be most proficient in exercising the power of Satanism.  They call this process the "Five Stages In The Transmutation of the Soul".  The final stage is depicted by the Phoenix Bird; the Adept is then said to have achieved the "Sorcerer's Stone".  Thus, the fact that the term, "Sorcerer's Stone" is in the title of this book suggests that the ultimate goal of all students at Hogwarts is to achieve the Sorcerer's Stone.

Wow, that sure is an interesting interpretation of the rock that shows up in the book for like 6 pages and then is immediately destroyed! Alternate theory, if you’re open to it: It’s a rock, named the Philosopher’s Stone because the Philosopher’s Stone is historically the name of a rock, called the philosopher's stone, and it's literally just a rock and doesn't mean anything Satanist because it's a fucking ROCK.

(Pictured: A rock)

There’s a really odd part right after the long discussion about how alchemy and unicorns and whatnot are Satanic Illuminati symbols, where CE just takes a moment to explain the game of Quidditch. No commentary beyond a sassy little “[Even the Quidditch balls are 'enchanted'].” Just . . . sort of letting you know how the game is played.

To be fair, this is quite a valuable service, since I don’t think anyone actually understands how Quidditch works, but I’m not sure what it’s doing sandwiched between two declarations of Harry Potter’s obvious evil.

PART THE LAST THANK GOD: WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A SUBTITLE IT’S ALMOST OVER

The first few paragraphs are standard boilerplate conclusion stuff, reiterating the rest of the story, continued misunderstanding that bad things are done by the bad guys, no there really are drugs and Illuminati propaganda in here I promise, yadda yadda. Nothing noteworthy except for the fact that I found this sentence absolutely hilarious:

But, most horribly, we see depictions of Satanism that are truly End of the Age.  We see the symbol of Antichrist, the Unicorn.

And so I leave you with this one final thought, because it’s all I can fit into the saggy mush that was once my brain:

From Genesis through Revelation, God demands His people separate themselves from the evil around them! SEPARATE!  SEPARATE!  SEPARATE!

S E P A R A T E 

[saltine-kakyoin]

OH AND for the other ask thing, mayhaps 🎯 🔭 🎞 🥐 and 💌? this is also quite a few hgjkghd if u don't wanna do them all that's fine!!!! i hope u can find a moment of relaxation tonight

it’s no worries!! i’m really appreciative of these because my sister and her fiance are talking about me flying home in the other room and i am truly tryna be like ⬇️ thank you for the kind wishes man… you already know this but ilysm ; J ;

the rest of this gets really long, so i’m gonna put this under a readmore!

🎯 if you could gain any skill instantly, what would it be?

broo this question is like a callout post… i have a list of skills i’ve been meaning to learn since at least august of 2018 that has regretfully gone untouched + unloved.. I would say, either the ability to speak spanish or ASL? or maybe how to hand embroider, or to do calligraphy? (fun fact: i bought a quill at last year’s ren faire, mostly as a prop for the game of whodunnit we do every day + I was going to learn to use it properly but it’s sat in my RF tub since november.. la tragedie) i’m really godawful at cooking and i don’t know how to bake, so maybe i should prioritize those..i desperately dream of baking loaves of bread for my friends and family, wrapping them in twine + writing kind notes, and hand-delivering them.. uGH ;J;

🔭 what’s your go-to topic to learn about when you’re bored?

it really depends on what i’m into! most of the time, i love deep-diving and learning the weird ins-and-outs of the lore of whatever i’m really into! my brother can testify for me staying up all night on the dragon ball wiki trying to make heads or tails of the different timelines.. August-November, though, i love learning about handicrafts! i have an entire playlist on youtube dedicated to leatherworking, bookbinding, woodburning, + other funky crafts that i’ll hopefully one day delve into so that Corylana can evolve from Ditsy invader zim-kinning elf to a tru Explorer of the Woods who has seen shit + lived to tell the tale! c:

🎟 what are some artists/bands whose music brings back childhood memories for you?

i’m such an audiophile so this question, i think, is probably the loveliest one to be asked ^ ^ a really important thing to understand about this answer is that i spent the latter half of my formative years locked up in a house all day w/ 2008 internet as my primary source of entertainment. 

most of my childhood is tied up in songs as opposed to bands. my sister and i were really Addicted to yugioh amvs, so we listened to a ton of alt rock bc that’s what all the amvs were set to? the most iconic one was this joey x mai amv from like 2008 that i am SO glad still exists.. he is everything you want Stays one of my favorite songs solely bc of polarshipping (this is a Lie that song SLAPS)  chasing cars, eclipse of the heart, iris, you and me, and hfhsh remember the name were really Crucial songs ;v; i was also ObSESSED w britney although my mom hates her + i vividly remember that they used to play hips don’t lie Every Single Time we went to eat at buffalo wild wings, so it became another obsession. my mom really loved ymca so we listened to that all the time, too c:

also FUCK my sister brought this up… the first 3 seconds of untouched by the veronicas sets off my fight or flight response because SO many people used it for their iconic 2008-2010 “xyz productions” title cards, FUCK.

things changed once we moved back to north carolina (read: my sister and i became mortal enemies?) i’m about to oust myself but vocaloid was such a huge part of my childhood (it’s also why i joined choir at all, which is hilarious considering that’s basically the rest of my life lol) i enjoyed a TON of different artists, but i remember for a fact that i was obsessed with wowaka, deco*27 (egomama and aimai elegy were particular faves) (ALSO TWO BREATHS WALKING + LOVE DISTANCE LONG AFFAIR WAIT.. WAIT…. OMG), and jin (ms. kagerou project....

on a mildly unrelated note (does hs count as one’s childhood? hm), disney’s candlelight processional brings back so many warm memories from high school! although I cannot fuck with the hallelujah chorus, even 2 years after graduation, because it brings me back to the first time I performed it + my throat locked up on stage and i couldn’t breathe consistently for like 4 minutes! ; J ; i vividly remember debating whether or not i could make it through the song w/o passing out or sitting down (if you sat down to be carried out during the performance, you didn’t receive your complimentary tickets bc you didn’t perform the whole show. My dilemma was that Hallelujah is the final song of the show + i had powerhoused through every song before it)

🥐 what food is your go-to when you want something easy to make/prepare?

in moments of dire hunger, my brother and i always resort to ramen with broccoli! ramen is a1 on its own but there’s something about the broccoli that truly elevates it.. idk. i cannot wait for when i have more time to cook + look back on this answer and cackle at my lack of cooking skills ;v;

💌 what’s something you love about the last friend/family member you texted?

the last person i texted was my brother ben! and bro where the fuck do i even Begin with benji, oh my god.. he and i have been through the trials and tribulations of childhood alliance + betrayal, we’ve walked through the fires of hell + lived to tell the tale of it to our mom even though we both agreed we wouldn’t snitch.. benji is a legend

I feel the same way about ben that you do about lj! we’re almost always on the same wavelength about stuff, and i feel like i can talk to him about genuinely anything c: we swing wildly between being Literally Incoherent and manic to being very real and sometimes philosophical and it is always yeehaw Times. one of the things i appreciate most about ben is that he’s SUCH a good sounding board for ideas- i always bounce my new concepts off of him and he almost always has something interesting to add or consider. sergio, and most of my other aus, would deadass Not Exist without ben’s inputs c:

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

This is all fantastic, thank you! Some other people have also wondered about genderfluid werewolves which I am very excited about as well, so that’s the next question I think!

Your question about the human and wolf forms:

So, it’s a bit weird to explain. The lore I’m basing all this on isn’t actually mine - it’s a weird sub-genre of badly-written modern werewolf romance on sites like Wattpad and Dreame, which came across my Facebook feed a year ago and I saw and decided I could do better. I have amended it here and there, and added some stuff, but in this world, werewolves refer to “their wolf” as though it’s separate from them, like a wolf spirit that inhabits their body. A lot of this stuff even has this wolf spirit have its own name, and a werewolf can actually talk to their wolf.

I did not entirely go down this route, because I thought it was boring. In mine, a werewolf still talks about “having a wolf”, but they aren’t sentient and don’t have names. The way I write it, your wolf is basically all your primal instincts and urges, just given the form and feel of a wolf in your brain. It’s still you. There’s only one person in you. Just your more primal part.

So, both forms are therefore you as well. I do, though, think there is a bit of a distinction - with disability, for example, I think if you lost a hand as a human you would still have a paw as a wolf (if they’re capable of growing tails when they shift, there MUST be a bodily separation of some sort). That said, scars carry over... at some point I also need to sit down and figure out some consistent rules there. I may make another post soon asking disabled followers for input, lol.

Trans followers, if you’re up for it, I’d like your input (you can message me privately or even anonymously if you wish).

So obviously I’m very cool and sexy and big brained and that’s why I write werewolf erotica, anyway I realised this morning that I haven’t tried writing a trans werewolf character. Or, more accurately and importantly: each book contains one new romance (plus an ongoing established one in the background that began in the first book). The new one each time is designed to explore a different dynamic - sometimes to challenge the existing relationship standards in this fucking genre (because my god these people think really-quite-horrific abuse is sexy), but sometimes to explore just, you know, another type of love, like a poly or ace relationship or what have you. And I realised that I have not yet done this with a trans werewolf.

This opens up two very big questions though, which I have just spent a really fun half hour talking over with a trans friend of mine, but I don’t want her to have to speak for all trans people on the subject. So I’m asking for input here.

I recognise that some people of course won’t agree on these - what’s invalidating for one is validating for another, and all that. But I do want to make sure that, whichever way I end up going with this, it’s based on the input and opinions of trans folks who approved and not solely what my well-intentioned but naive cis ass thought sounded nice. So! Questions under the cut, because I value your dashboards.

Afficher davantage

[motionpictures-movingwords-blog]

Thoughts on Star Wars: The Last Jedi

(Assume that anything and everything will be spoiled ahead)

Overcoming the Star Wars Cult

At a certain point, the insistence on focusing on lore begins to inhibit the possibility for a film to be made and not leave privileged fans (the expanded universe seems to offer answers to just about any question regarding any character, no matter how trivial) disappointed.  I’ve come across many debates concerning the identity of Snoke and the identities of Rey’s parents since the release of The Force Awakens.  I imagine those who had placed a great deal of weight into those plot points will have been terribly disappointed, though I am pretty damn satisfied with how the film handled these issues.

1. Snoke not being given much of a backstory or identity

Does it really matter?  I don’t believe so and for a couple of reasons.  The first is that his key characteristics are made plenty clear enough from what we are shown, therefore eliminating the need for exposition about his past.  His similarity to the Emperor from the original trilogy is great enough that I would think many viewers would be able to apply the same legacy and associations to Snoke.  I already heard plenty of similar connections made between the new films and the old following The Force Awakens: “Poe is kinda like Han, right?”, “Han is the new Ben Kenobi”, etc.  There isn’t a great deal of mental gymnastics required to arrive at a similar conclusion with Snoke being the new version of the Emperor.  Both:

Have a strange power over a conflicted member of the dark side who is perceived by the rest of the film’s character

Hold a great deal of power with the force themselves., though they use it sparingly

Appear as holograms at first, only to later appear physically in their throne rooms

Are old and wrinkled

Are eventually killed by their conflicted apprentice

That’s enough evidence for me as a viewer.

One might wonder what his path to power was and how it differed from the Emperor’s, but the truth is that we didn’t know much about how the Emperor had gained power until the prequels were released.  That gap in the audience’s knowledge didn’t prevent the original trilogy from being beloved.  It was mostly through the release of the prequels that the development of backstories for many characters occurred.  It feels a bit spoiled to require in-depth knowledge about each character.  Development of his backstory would be a divergence from what this film (or its predecessor) is otherwise about and would therefore be a distraction.  One might argue that it would make his death more impactful if we knew more about him.  I will admit that this is true, but I would also argue that his death isn’t supposed to impact us.  Killing him serves to imbue Ren with absolute power over the Empire and is the result of Ren deciding not to kill Rey – the relationship between Rey and Ren had been focused on far more than any other throughout the film.

2. Rey’s parents (being insignificant) This could easily change since the only “proof” is a conversation between Ben (I’ll probably never pick a name that I feel like sticking with for him) and Rey, but I’d be happy if they stuck with it.  It would be refreshing to see a character that doesn’t have some tie to some prior character.  Making her the daughter of a significant character would feel a bit excessive and making her the daughter of an insignificant character would be little more than fan service.  Keeping her current heritage would also be consistent with the film’s theme that greatness does not need to come from prior greatness (see the humble beginnings of Rose and Finn).

Managing Dialectical Tensions There is a scene in the film in which Rey and Luke collectively describe the force as being the balance between basically everything.  While the listing off of each thing she sees and the blatant juxtapositions in this listing are a bit much, I like this description of the force.  The film also investigates a lot of tensions and some balances.  I like how the idea of the force enters into the film’s story more in this way.

Light Side vs. Dark Side (duh)

Epitome: Kylo Ren vs. Rey/Luke

Legacy-focused heroism vs. Unselfish heroism

Epitome: Poe vs. those who sacrifice themselves

Glamour vs. Concerns about exploitation

Epitome: Canto Bight (Finn’s excitement vs. Rose’s harsh memories of the city)

Class Tensions (maybe racial?)

Epitome: Canto Bight, again

I want to check to see how many different species we see in its casino.  In a conversation I had after the movie, it was mentioned that there didn’t seem to be as many new alien races in this film and I wonder if that’s tied to the classes being presented in the film.  The Empire is completely human while the resistance features other alien species in addition to the humans.

Paving one’s own path vs. Focusing on what came before

Epitome: Rey’s conflicting needs to work with Luke and help the resistance

Also seen with Luke and the destruction of the Jedi tree and books

Humble/Insignificant Beginnings vs. “Heirs”

Epitome: Rey, Finn, Poe(?) vs. Luke, Leia, Kylo Ren

Despite the split, it seems like both Ben and Rey feel like they have something to prove because of their backgrounds.  Rey seems to need to overcome the heritage which she seems a bit ashamed of, meanwhile Ben has to separate from his notable background in order to solidify his place on the dark side and pursue the legacy left by Vader.

It would have been nice if some of these went unspoken, but I’ll take what I can get.

But why that final scene?

The final scene felt a bit heavy-handed while also being unnecessary.  On its own the scene could say a few things:

There are other force-sensitive individuals

There are individuals wanting to help/join the resistance

These individuals may be restrained/hidden by their position in society

But we have already seen all of this throughout the movie.  The film features three key characters who were restrained/hidden by their place in society, one of them being force-sensitive.  Inevitably the next film will involve the resistance trying to gather enough support to overcome the Empire and First Order, so if that’s the purpose of this final scene, it’s superfluous considering what will happen anyways.  You don’t need to open that door now.  And if that’s not a part of the next film, then the scene doesn’t need to say it, eliminating a reason for it to stay in the film.

Some Other Lingering Thoughts

The direction style resembles The Force Awakens much more than it does the original trilogy.  Biggest difference is the camera movement.  The original trilogy had pretty limited movement, mostly using pans and tilts when the camera did move (probably modeled after Kurosawa considering his other influences on Lucas in making Star Wars) while the newer films have kept the camera moving in just about every way, but pushes are the most prominent in my mind.  Also the pace of editing , though that’s reflective of greater trends in filmmaking.  There is no objectively superior method of filmmaking, but I believe the older style allowed more individual images to be cemented into our minds.  I can’t think of a shot that is remotely similar to the static, 15-second long shot of Luke looking at the “Binary Sunset” and I also can’t think of a shot that sticks with me like that one.  It’s a shot that requires some patience, but not all that much.  Not too much for 2017 anyways.  Not too much for an audience that will sit through literally anything Star Wars related.

Not a complaint, but I’ve realized that the main two ships basically stay in the same place for the 90% of the film.  It kind of cockteases us with the suggestion of a bunch of light speed jumps, then only one happens for the rest of the film between the two main ships.

Leia’s Poppins-esque flight back to the cruiser seemed a bit ridiculous.  I’m happy to have her begin to use the force.  I’m happy to accept that she isn’t dead after that explosion.  Felt bizarre to have her suddenly wake up and use the force in that substantial of a way.

In Summary I was surprised and pleased by Star Wars: The Last Jedi because it was willing to sacrifice pandering to the desires of fandom in order to center on the film’s ongoing conflicts.

[mikebigby-blog]

Netflix Legend of Zelda full season 1 outline

I am pants-shittingly excited about the possibility of a live-action Legend of Zelda series on Netflix.  You’ve heard the rumours.  I’ve heard the rumours.  And I have shitted all of my pants.  I only have pants with shit in them now.  I know what you’re saying out-loud to your computer like a weirdo as you read this blog alone; you’re saying “Mike, just wash your pants” but then I wouldn’t be wearing the pants and the shit would go on the floor.  Think before you speak.

Anyway, this is a serious blog.  Please don’t be put off by my shitty pants, I won’t mention them again from here on out.  

Just imagine.  An actually good live-action Legend of Zelda TV show.

 I have dreamed of this since I was a 11 year old kid when I “wrote” and “directed” an Ocarina of Time movie using my dad’s 20kg VHS cam-corder.  I never finished that movie, so this is literally unfinished business for me.

As the title of this blog suggests, for fun, I’ve put together a treatment for what I think a Legend of Zelda series could be.

If you don’t like it, no worries.  It’s not much more than fan-fiction.  If you DO like it, I dunno, share it with your friends or something.

Format, tone and general thoughts

I think the tone of the show should be light-hearted, weird, occasionally funny, and ultimately epic.  That’s what Zelda is.  I see it as Game of Thrones meets Dirk Gently, kinda.  

I personally think this should be live-action, but it doesn’t have to be, a cartoon would be cool.

I’m suggesting ten eps per season and as many seasons as possible.  In my opinion we should stay with the same Link, Zelda and Ganondorf, but there’s no real reason why the show couldn’t jump multiple generations with each season like the games do.

This treatment consists of a scene-by-scene of the pilot, and outline of episodes two and three, and basically extended log-lines for episodes four to ten.  Sorry they’re not all scene-by-scenes, it was already a lot of (fun) work to draft this and besides, I don’t think you’d want to read that much anyway.

Please bear in mind that it’s all about the execution.  These are still just ideas.  If the show was developed, things would get more complex, ledes would be excavated and everything would be amped up to make every episode as compelling as possible.  So imagine everything I say is better than it is lol.

Finally, I’ve tried to draw from / reference as many of the games as possible.  I think the show, and even this blog post, should absolutely reward fans of the franchise.

Context

We need to start off with some Hyrule Historia to set this pitch in context.  One of the things that most grounds Game of Thrones is its world’s rich history and that’s something the Zelda franchise shares.  So I want to set up some legends and lore upfront.

NB In the actual show this should not be revealed in narration or an opening scroll.  It’s primary purpose is to inform the world of Hyrule and its characters’ motivations.  It will be revealed to the audience slowly and sparingly through reference and allusion over the season.

Here we go:

Two thousand years before the events of our story, the last person to wield the power of the Triforce unified the warring tribes of the land into one principality; Hyrule.  This is not your average divide-and-conquer legend, this is something far more incredible; a conquer and unification.  The legend of an absolute badass.  The legend of Boudicca and King Arthur and Alexander the Great and William the Conqueror all rolled into one.  This is the in-world Legend of Zelda.  

That’s right, the first monarch of Hyrule was a Queen named Zelda (Breath of Wild fans: I consciously chose not to make this character the Goddess Hylia for the sake of simplicity).  Zelda brought decisive peace to the land by being unquestionably awesome, ending an ancient war between the country’s great races.  Together, the leaders of these once-warring tribes - the Gorons, the Zorras, the Ritos, Sheikah, Gerudo and the Hylians - worked with Zelda to capture the titanic, elemental monstrosities and demons they each summoned to fight on their behalf and contain them in purpose-built stone enclosures.  That’s right.  Temples.  Dungeons.  You get the idea. 

Flash forward two thousand years and this awesome history is relegated to the status of myth.  Yes, the temples still stand, but they are decrepit and overrun with flora and fauna.

These days the ancient Zelda’s direct descendent, Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule, sits upon the throne.  A wise and just ruler who, in his youth, fought bravely to quash an uprising from the worshippers of Din the Destroyer, and successfully restored his subjects rights to religious freedoms without threat of persecution.  The three major religions worship alongside each other in peace once again.  

But, in recent years, the king has grown old and feeble.

OK that’s all the history stuff out of the way so we can get on with the episodes!  It’s exciting isn’t it? I’m excited!  Are you excited?  IT’S EXCITING!

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace I’m Just Kidding That’s Not The Title Of The Episode

FADE IN on a beautiful white ship (10 history points if you get this reference) as it sails the night-time waters of the Great Bay of Hyrule Channel.  There’s no moon so it’s particularly dark, and the wind is so calm the sailors have taken to the oars.

The ship is like an island of light and life in the vast, dark nothingness - think of those wide night-time shots in James Cameron’s Titanic.  But this is more jovial.  The hundred or so passengers and crew sing and whoop and holler by the light of the ship’s candles.  Everyone’s clearly having a good, wine-fuelled time. We catch a glimpse of a young / strong / handsome / regal looking dude, singled out by his unusual pensiveness in the face of all this merriment. This is Daltus, son of King Daphnes and heir to the throne of Hyrule.

CREEEAAAKKKKK what the hell was that?  For a moment, the party is silenced…..

Nothing. Phew. The singing soon continues…  But for us the soundtrack subtly clues us into a feeling of unease.  

We zoom out to a wide-shot far enough away that the ship looks like a toy and the noise of the passengers is reduced to nothing.  From here we can just about make out the coast, more than a few miles away - too far to swim - and a great stone temple, half submerged, wholly forgotten.

SUDDENLY - punching out from the black depths without warning, a great tentacle looms up over the ship. The party is thrown into silence for a beat before screams and panic erupt like an explosion.

It’s absolute pandemonium on board as a second tentacle rips into the sky on the other side of the ship.  Daltus, cool as a cucumber, pulls out his sword.  But what can he do?  Nothing.  We all know what’s coming.  

The tentacles crash down onto the deck, each with the weight of a London bus, cleaving the splintered ship in half.

We get a glimpse of the great leviathan as it pulls the crumpling ship down under the newly formed waves.  For you die-hard fans, this is GYORG.  

CUT TO a young princess holding court in her father’s throne room, hearing the plights of the townsfolk she has granted an audience to.  

Yea you guessed it, this is Zelda, and she’s clearly a smart cookie and is fair and respectful to the townsfolk she speaks with.  At her right hand is her guardian and teacher, the Aristotle to her Alexander the Great, Impa.  A middle-aged Sheikah woman.  

By the sunlight streaming through the stained glass windows (which, by the way, tell the story of the ancient Zelda (an Easter egg, not obvious)) we know it’s the following day.

In comes this dishevelled old dude who urgently recounts the story of a sunken ship… Our sunken ship! But wait, no, his account is wrong.  He says Daltus supplied the crew with drink, that doesn’t sound right.  Woah woah, what’s he saying now?  The ship’s port-side hit a submerged rock because the crew was drunk?  That’s not at all what happened!  He is the only survivor he says, well… that part could be true.

An emotional Zelda beseeches the man “What happened to Lord this and that? did he survive?”  The old man shakes his head.  “What of lady blah blah?”  he shakes his head.  She’s building up the courage to ask the question.  It’s clear from her foggy eyes, she knows the answer.  “…My brother?” HE SHAKE HE DAMN HEAD.

Devastation.  Stoic, suppressed, sure, but devastation nonetheless.  She takes a moment to swallow her grief.

“What of Lord Ganondorf?”  WELL, says the man, some disembarked before the ship set sail, not confident of the drunken crew’s ability to sail.  Ganondorf among them.

Oh SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!

Boom.  Next scene.  We’re getting rural now.  We are nowhere near the regal Hyrule castle, this is a luscious woodland on the other side of the kingdom.

We’re looking at a badass silhouette of a heroic figure, mounted on horseback, with a sword in one (LEFT) hand and a shield in the other.  The horse takes a few steps forward into the daylight streaming in through the canopy… not so badass.  Wooden sword, toy shield.  This is not much more than a kid.  Maybe 16 or 17.

BUT SUDDENLY the horse bolts, the kid hollas a very Link-like battle cry as he jumps off the horse and descends upon what can only be described as scarecrows, crudely mocked up to look like Moblins.  

He batters them in a fun-to-watch but technically unskilled brawl, slipping over here and there.  This is not a hero.  This is a kid.  This is a dreamer.  This is, you guessed it, Link.

He’s interrupted / embarrassed by his uncle, Alfon, and reprimanded for not getting on with his chores.  We see a glimpse of farm-life and, although Link clearly loves and respects his uncle, we know for a fact Link would rather be out there adventuring.  This is Luke Skywalker in the Act I of A New Hope.   

We also meet Malon, a milkmaid with whom Link has an adorkable relationship.  She fires seeds at him from a homemade slingshot in the same way kids pull pigtails on playgrounds.  It’s cute.

Back in Hyrule town Impa is sleuthing.  She doesn’t buy the old man’s tale because she’s SMART as HELL and follows him using her Sheikah skills as he goes about his business through our Flea-Bottom-equivalent.  He goes to a dive-bar inn, a dingy brothel… gross but, as of yet, nothing out of the ordinary for a creepy old dude.  

But then, strangely, he slips into an abandoned house, looking over his shoulder more times than an honest man would.  Impa follows.  We witness him in conversation with a shadowy figure with a woman’s voice, he asks for payment - presumably in return for lying about Daltus’ ship - and holds out his hand in expectation.  Schwing.  He drops to the floor.  We’ve just witnessed this guy’s sudden and brutal execution at the hands of the shadowy figure, who is revealed to be… a Gerudo assassin (!!!) ostensibly tying up some loose ends.  I promise I won’t use the word ‘ostensibly’ again.

Now we get some real action.  The Gerudo bails and Impa launches into full-on chase mode.  They duck and dive across rooftops.  They fight in the streets.  It’s clear that Gerudos aren’t as skilled as the Sheikah in this kind of ninja acrobatics.  In her prime, Impa would own this fight, but the Gerudo assassin is younger and fitter, evening up the odds.  

Before you ask, no this is not a no-stakes CGI extravaganza like a Daniel Craig Bondtage (just invented this word, it means Bond montage) or the Assassin’s Creed movie. This is real.  It feels real.  When they jump down off even 6 foot walls, it hurts.  Remember, Impa is a middle-aged woman.

What I’m saying is: it’s a thrilling, evenly matched fight which ends when Impa seizes an opportunity to dump tackle the sucker.  The race is over.  The interrogation is ON!

Meanwhile, in the castle the aging King is sitting top-table, with Zelda at his right hand in a privy council meeting.  All of the major races are represented around the table.  

Daphnes is looking frail.  He’s clearly too weak to be out of bed, but he’s found the strength from the loss of his son and the urgency of the situation.  

In light of recent events, he’s attempting to secure Zelda as successor to the throne.  The Gerudo representative vehemently protests the idea of a woman on the throne, demanding that “your cousin, Ganondorf, is next in line.”  Plot. Thickened.

As you might expect, this goes down about as well as a piss flavoured milkshake, especially with Darunia, the Goron representative.  Zelda makes an incredible, impassioned speech, invoking the story of her ancestor and damn she’s good.  She’s an orator on Henry V’s level. She wins over passionate Darunia and the cold, logical, but ultimately nice old Rito dude.

But despite having the loyalists round the table convinced, ultimately, the consensus is an unmarried woman, even a woman descended from the great Zelda of old, cannot inherit the throne.  Out-fucking-rageous.

Just as we’re feeling that all is lost and Ganondorf will inherit the throne, Impa BURSTS into the room - thank GOD!  She’s badly beaten and bloody, but it doesn’t slow her down.  She has proof of a plot against the crown, Daltus was murdered… by Ganondorf!  Dun dun DUN!

Voices are raised around the table, shit is hitting the fan and emotions are running high.  Impa tells the story of Daltus’ voyage as we saw it only with one added detail - forces under the command of Ganondorf intentionally released a great beast of old into the bay.  Everyone is stunned.   It’s hard to believe.  The beasts… from the stories? They’re real?  They’re still alive after two thousand years? WHAT?!  

When the question of cross examining the assassin inevitably arises, however, Impa sheepishly admits that she’s dead. Oops.  The Gerudo rep feigns offense and bones the fuck outta there.  No one really knows whether to believe this or not, but Darunia is convinced.

Back at the farm we catch up with Link after his chores are all done.  He’s back in his makeshift training area, this time under the supervision of Uncle Alfon who’s equipped with a real sword and Hylian shield.  OK so maybe he isn’t the helpless Uncle Owen Skywalker of this story (is that his last name? Is Uncle Owen Anakin’s brother or Padme’s?  Don’t look that up, it’s not important.  Keep reading.)

It’s apparent that, after witnessing the woeful display of swordsmanship earlier in the day, Alfon has finally acquiesced to Link’s repeated requests for training.  And guess what?  He is skilled.  And we get to watch him FLEX in an exciting training sequence.  

Malon, just like us, is spending her free time watching this, firing the occasional seed at our hero to distract him from the spar at inopportune moments.

This really is worlds away from the capital.

In Hyrule, ya boy Ganondorf and his followers make a play for the throne, big style.  He’s obviously caught wind of the talk at the privy council, a la the Gerudo rep who left in a huff, so he’s making a move less subtle than he would have liked but he’s still keeping it within the confines of the castle. He doesn’t yet have the forces to fight an all-out war.

This is the first time we see Ganondorf on screen and let me tell you, it’s frightening.  He’s a mountain of a man / Gerudo - the absolute personification of intimidating.  And his coup is bloody.  Everyone either dies or submits.  The king is slain. It doesn’t seem like anyone has made it out the castle alive, as is Ganondorf’s plan. 

We find out Ganondorf’s motivations and the source of his followers undying devotion to him; religion.  The worshippers of Din the Destroyer were apparently unhappy with the outcome of the recent civil war, which, as we know, granted all three major religions - worshippers of Din, Nayru and Farore - the freedom to do so. The Gerudo’s, led by Ganondorf, have been drawing plans against the crown for a generation.  But we get the sense this is just a vehicle for him, his true motivation is pure, unbridled lust for power.

Ganondorf makes it clear that he intends to force Zelda to marry him to consolidate his rule. Impa defends her with all her might but is bested by him and tossed aside, presumed dead. The mere fact that Zelda wasn’t immediately down to clown is enough to send Ganondorf into brutal rage and he slaughters the kindly Rito man from the privy council.  Zelda is imprisoned as the new regime takes hold.

Daaaaaamn son.

Back on the farm.  Rumour of the coup has already got around, but no one much cares except for those who remember the civil war, and yea that includes captain badass Uncle Alfon.

A traveller arrives, an old war buddy of Alfon’s.  He speaks of a rebellion led by the Goron, Darunia.  He must’ve made it out of the castle alive!  Alfon is totally up for knocking some heads and packs up his shit, takes the sword and shield and the horse Link was riding when we were first introduced to him.  This is an emotional moment.  Link is desperate to join but Alfon shoots him down, he is, after all, only a kid.  A kid who sucks at fighting.  Gotta commend him for his bravery though.

Alfon goes to war once again, entrusting the farm to Link and Malon.

Some time later, at the castle, Ganondorf is out quashing the uprising.  We follow a mysterious figure as he, or she, makes her way through the castle ninja-Sheikah-style, dragging a limp body along for the ride.  Fans of the series will recognise this character from their clothing.  This is Sheik.  And Sheik is rad.  

Sheik fucks up some guards and escapes the castle in a stealthy-cool sequence leading all the way out to Hyrule field, where he witnesses Ganondorf return victorious with prisoners in tow - including Darunia and Uncle Alfon.

Ganondorf orders the prisoners be taken to a concentration camp at Kakariko Village, and Darunia be sealed “in the mountain”.  As the prisoner convoy leaves, Sheik and her limp friend surreptitiously hitch a ride.

Meanwhile, at the farm, there are clearly wide-ranging consequences as a result of the coup.  Taxes have been raised.  Goods are seized by Ganondorf’s marauding forces.  Shit’s bad son.

Link is doing his chores half heartedly, head clearly stuck on the fact he’s not heard anything of his uncle’s rebellion.  He thinks about setting out to find Alfon but Malon talks him down.

All of a sudden, a ripple of shock / horror rips through the little rural community they’re within.  The traveller - Alfon’s war buddy - has returned, on Alfon’s horse.  Everyone who looks upon him is stunned.  He looks like shit.  

He shares the fate of the rebellion with Link, including that they have been taken to the concentration camp at Kakariko Village, and abruptly dies of his wounds. 

That’s it.  Link’s mind is made up. He packs a bag with food, grabs his wooden sword a shield and gets ready to set off on an epic quest.  

Just before he leaves, Malon, tears in her eyes, tries one last time to beg him to stay.  But she sees there’s no use in it.  She tosses him her slingshot.

“It’s dangerous to go alone.  Take this.”

FADE OUT 

DAAAAAMN son.

If you’ve stuck it out this far, good work.  Thank you.  I appreciate your attention.  

Honestly, I’m amazed you made it past the first paragraph, you know, the one about the shit that’s in my pants.  

Let’s keep going.  And sorry for bringing up my shitty pants again.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones ok I guess we’re sticking with this Star Wars thing, sorry, I hate it too

Link travels through the dangerous open land of Hyrule in the direction of Kakariko village but is pretty much immediately discovered by Ganondorf’s (human) marauding forces.  He draws his wooden shield and they are immediately destroyed by the biggest, meanest marauder in the gang.  They erupt in laughter.  He draws his slingshot.  The marauders absolutely crack up, they can’t breathe, who is this kid?  Link fires, straight up blinding the grizzly one.  

Not so funny anymore.

Link is overpowered and bundled into a mobile-cell with a young Goron, Darbus, and a sheikah child named Granté.  Crucial allies going forward obviously.  

Anyway, as prisoners, guess where they’re going?  That’s right, the concentration camp at Kakariko village – exactly where we wanted to go.  Lucky…. Kind of.  

We arrive at Kakariko, a village on the foot of Death Mountain, and it’s like nothing we’ve seen yet.  It’s a totally ransacked settlement, entirely overtaken by Ganondorf’s forces a la Tywin Lannister’s occupation of Harrenhal.  But it’s not just a prison, it’s clearly the base of operations for some kind of mining / weapon smelting operation with armed workers travelling up and down Death Mountain trail.

Link learns the hard way that there’s consequences to blinding people that are bigger than you and is beaten, bloodied and bruised.  He’s about to give up hope as he is thrown into a squalid little cell, overfull with other prisoners.   One of whom is ALFON!  WE LOVE THAT GUY!  HELL YEAH!

But Alfon has been badly injured and in such disgusting conditions, without any form of medical treatment, his wound has become infected.  It’s pretty clear this dude is gonna die, and boy is it emotional.  Link’s crying, you’re crying, I’m crying.  There’s not a dry eye in the house.  Or even outside the house.   

With his dying words, Alfon manages to instill in Link a powerful need to avenge him and an immense sense of duty to ‘save Princess Zelda’.  Alfon urges Link to escape and raise another rebellion. To do so, he is told, he will need Darunia’s support.

With renewed enthusiasm, Link makes an attempt at escape.  And, you know what?  He’s actually successful, making it all the way to the armoury, where he grabs his slingshot and leaves his wooden sword and shield in favour of his uncle’s steel equivalent.  Oh shit, my boy EQUIPPED.

Covert as hell, he saves Darbus and Granté and together they make a break for the gates leading to the Death Mountain trail.  Meanwhile, in the darkness and unnoticed by our heroes, shadowy figures silently take out guards here and there.

The gang is on the home straight now, they’re about to make a break for it when suddenly they spot guards up ahead.  Slowly and quietly they try to pass them without being noticed when a chicken trots up and pecks Link’s boot.  He tries to wordlessly shoo it away, but it keeps pecking.  In a moment of frustration, he boots it one.  

Bad idea.  

Scores of chickens swoop in and go nuts attacking Link, drawing the attention of the guards.  The chickens flutter off and the real fight is on.  This time, equipped with a real sword and shield, Link is actually pretty effective, as are Granté and Darbus (who is literally a walking rock).  You’d have thought they just might win if it weren’t for the 15 extra guards joining the fray.  OH SHIT!

Just as it seems all is lost, the guards drop dead.  What the hell?  The shadowy figures emerge and are revealed to be… a Sheikah clan led by SHEIK and IMPA!  

The prisoners are liberated and everyone rejoices.  Big Act III party and debrief.  You get the idea.

FADE OUT 

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith I guess

Some days later, the Sheikah have set up something of a honey trap at Kakariko village, where marauders bring their prisoners only to be ambushed by the liberated milita.  They are running a pretty tight ship and have blocked passage to Death Mountain.  

It’s immediately apparent that the Sheikah in charge - i.e. Impa and Sheik - do not think much of Link.

Fortunately, Granté is able to convince them to grant him and Darbus passage through to Death Mountain trail.  Granté elects to stay behind for the time being to help this little resistance movement and be with his people.  Goodbye Granté, it’s been nice.

Our B story in this ep splits off here.  After Link and Darbus leave, we follow Sheik, who is revealed to be Zelda in disguise.  As she deftly interrogates Ganondorf’s forces, she uncovers some stake-raising info about a prophecy Ganondorf is trying to fulfil that sees her head off in the direction of Dragon Roost, homeland of the Rito.  But while she’s gone, the Sheikah lose control of the village and there’s a big ol’ brawl on.  This is weaved in throughout the episode; I’ve just summarised here for time.   

Back to the A story.  The Death Mountain trail is testing.  It’s increasingly steep.  The paths are old and treacherous.  They pass a lot of huge boulders.  They encounter some of Ganondorf’s forces who have been trapped up the mountain since the Sheikah revolt.   

They eventually make it to the entrance of one of the ancient temples but It’s blocked by a big – and I mean big rock – that is just impossible to move.  I know what you’re thinking, If only Link had some magic gauntlets… well HE DOESN’T FOLKS.  This is insurmountable.  He’s not going to surmount this one.  Because it’s insurmountable.   

As night falls, the two dejected friends set up camp and we get to know our characters a little better as they share stories around a campfire.  Time for a LIGHT touch of exposition which will be worked in really well:

Darbus explains that Gorons, like the Gerudo, worship the fire-god, Din, but they were happy to live in peace with the worshippers of Nayru and Farore.  This is why Darunia took Ganondorf’s seizing-of-the-throne-on-religious-grounds so personally.  

We also find out that Goron’s are really hard to kill, they are rocks after all, and this is why Ganondorf has elected to lock Darunia away instead of doing the obvious thing.   But this fact is weird because, there’s almost no Gorons left, they’re kind of an endangered species.

While Darbus is telling a particularly demonstrative story, dramatised by the long shadows cast by the torch he hold in his hand, he accidentally holds the fire too close to the big rock.  Not normally an issue, but this time…

THE BIG ROCK WAKES UP YO.  IT’S A GIANT GORON!  HELL YEAH!  OH WAIT, shit, he’s a bit grumpy about being woken up / burnt on the ass cheek.  Cue a massive, awesome stomp and dodge sequence - well Link dodges, Dalbus gets stomped right into the ground.  It’s cool and funny and we’ve never seen anything like it on TV before.

Anyway, once the giant goron has properly woken up, we find out his name is Daruk and he’s actually a nice guy.  He’s been asleep since not much after the first age (near the time of the original Zelda) and he’s pretty mad to hear about Ganondorf and Darunia etc. and the thought that he might have been picked up and moved to block the entrance is particularly offensive to him.  

He let’s them pass and goes on his own quest to wake up his brothers - all the boulders lying around the place.

FADE OUT

OK folks we’re moving onto much shorter outlines from here on out, should be quicker to get through.  Hope you can stick with me!

Episode 4: A New Hope

A Story - the fire temple:  Link and Darbus face a road of trials in the fire temple as they try to find and recover Darunia.  They discover a large boulder and Link does everything he can to wake it up, including whispering sweet things to it.  But it turns out to be just a boulder.  Darbus calls him a racist.  They eventually find Darunia, who is crushed by his recent defeat and doesn’t believe he can raise the forces to take on Ganondorf.  Together they fight a giant Dodongo, one of the titanic beasts of old.  It’s extremely cool and difficult but they somehow pull it off.  They emerge victorious to find Daruk has raised something of an army of Gorons.  Game on.

B Story - Her name was Rito and she dances in the sand:  Zelda makes her way to Dragon Roost which, by the way, is like, another mountain, slightly smaller and different in shape to Death Mountain, and with a giant egg on top of it.   She’s there to parley with the Rito Queen, Medli - who is only about 10 years old - about being granted access to their records (Rito are like, natural librarians) to learn more about this whole prophecy thing.  But Medli is a capricious little brat who’s pretty annoyed about her father, the kindly old Rito dude, being killed in Zelda’s presence and blames her for it.

C Story - Ganondorf’s diary:  Some political-intrigue here as the new administration makes plans to unify the land under Ganondorf.  We get an insight into Ganondorf’s plan.  Something about the Triforce, a shadow realm, and something about him being a vessel for something something, I think he said… Ganon.

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back yep we’re still doing this star wars thing

A Story - off to see the sea: Link and the Goron army head down to Kakariko and CRUSH the revolt of Ganondorf’s forces, saving Impa and the rest of the Sheikah.  They hatch a plan to raise armies all over the land to rebell against Ganondorf.  The Gorons stay behind to build their numbers and strength in that area of the map.  Link visits Alfon in the slightly-over-flowing Kakariko graveyard before setting off in the direction of the Great Bay with Impa where they find all Zorra-hands are on deck trying to deal with the GYORG situation.

B Story - Des-pa-Rito: Zelda is charged with the murder of the Rito king and fights extremely effectively in a trial-by-combat.  By winning, she gains the respect of Medli and is granted access to their records.  Zelda discovers a prophecy about GANON, an other-worldy beast of great power and the enemy of the Zelda of old.  She suspects Ganondorf plans to summon him into our realm and she’s dead set on stopping him.  She also learns of the Master Sword, the only worldly sword that can damage the beast and which once belonged to her ancestor.  It was last left in a sacred temple what is now an overgrown ancient woodland.  

C Story - Going Ganon: In a sick, bloody ritual, like the dead body parts of wildlings in ep 1 of GoT, Ganondorf unseals Ganon’s ethereal prison, and is possessed by it, granting him absolute knowledge of the Triforce and how to attain it.

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi

A Story - water temple: Impa intuitively believes there’s something in the temple that can be used to restrain GYORG and sends Link in after it.  The whole place is booby-trapped to hell because, you know, you’re not supposed to go in there.   

B Story - More like burRito: Zelda presents her findings to Medli but, although she has forgiven Zelda, she refuses to aid in the upcoming war against Ganondorf.  Zelda sends a messenger bird back to where she thinks Impa is - Kakariko - and heads off in the direction of the ancient woodland.  Before she can get there, she is accosted by a band of Gerudos.  They don’t recognise her in her Sheik gear so she pretends to join them and it works for a while, but, right at the end of the ep, her secret is discovered.  Cliffhanger. 

C Story - a mission from a god: Ganondorf / Ganon now knows he needs to unite with Zelda and Link to seal the deal and take control of the Triforce.

Episode 7: The (Tri)Force Awakens see what I did there

A Story - gone fishing: Impa’s hunch was right and Link is successful in retrieving an ancient, gigantic trawling net.  Together they engage GYORG and ultimately recapture it.

B Story - Getting Gerdoed: Zelda makes a break for the ancient woodlands.  She fights, runs, fights s’more and is ultimately captured by the Gerudos before she can find the sword.  She is marched to Hyrule castle.

C Story - an army and a leggy: Ganon’s machinations get interrupted when he gets wind of a large Goron army at Kakariko.  His own forces have grown in strength and number by now so he’s not too worried.  They march. 

Episode 8: The Last Jedi (we’re running low on ep titles)

A Story - team building:  With GYORG back in his play pen, Impa and Link attempt to secure the Zorra’s support in the upcoming war with Ganondorf.   

B Story - home sweet home: Zelda is returned to Hyrule castle and locked up a bit tighter than last time.

C Story - war boys: Ganon’s forces march to Kakariko en masse, ready to break necks and cash cheques, when Ganon receives a message that Zelda is captured.  He leaves the army and heads back to the castle.

Episode 9: Episode IX yea I know but this is genuinely the working title of it though

A Story - the master sword: Link and Impa set off to Kakariko, arriving as Ganondorf’s forces get there.  The war is about to begin when Impa receives Zelda’s message which has been waiting for her there since two episodes ago.  She learns about the prophecy and sends Link to the ancient woodlands to find the Master Sword.  In the woodlands, Link is accosted by a Yoda-on-Degoba-level-annoying Skullkid.  The SkullKid is mischievous and annoying but ultimately leads Link to the Master Sword.

B Story - the smell of napalm in the morning: The war kicks off.  Filmed like the Battle of the Bastards but following Link’s various allies from throughout the season.  Even with their rock-hard bods, the Gorons are being overpowered.  But then the Zorras arrive and it evens out the odds.

C Story - creepy cousin: Ganon and Zelda have an intense chat.  He reveals his plans, but not in a traditional James Bond villain way.  In a cool and also sensical way.  LIGHT exposition.

Episode 10: The Force Shits its Pants I made this title up but it’s what the tenth star wars film should be called imo

A Story - Tri forced: Link arrives.  This is the first time he gets to be face-to-face with Ganondorf and even Zelda out of her Sheik costume.  Zelda is like “YOU? You’re the hero Ganondorf’s been going on about?  The dumbass from Kakariko?”  Link is like “Well… excuse me, princess.”  The fight starts and Link is battered.  He immediately loses.  Of course he does.  He’s not even that good at fighting.  Ganondorf takes possession of the Triforce and his physical form takes that of Ganon’s.  A shockwave explodes out from the castle, terraforming the world into the Dark Realm (think: the Upside Down from Stranger Things)…

B Story - the big fight: The Goron, Zorra, Sheikah alliance is winning when a wave of darkness envelopes them.  Marauders turn into moblins like a werewolf in the full moon, Gerudo transform into flying beasts.  The air support in particular gives the forces of evil an edge and the balance sways yet again… fuck.

A Story: Link refuses to stop fighting, even though Ganondorf has become the great beast that is Ganon.  But he’s still getting his ass handed to him.  

B Story:  The Rito arrive and even up the odds again.

A Story: Zelda distracts Ganon and Link is able to drive the sword into his mouth and win. Ganondorf dies, the Dark Realm recedes back into itself taking Ganon with it.

Epilogue:  Order is restored.  Zelda becomes queen.  Race relations are at an all time high.  Link returns home to Malon.  Big party.

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Post credit sequence: In the woodland, the Skullkid accosts another traveller in the same way he accosted Link.  But this traveller is… a creepy mask salesman.

FADE OUT!

Phew, wow.  That’s a wrap folks. Well done.  If you got this far, seriously, thank you.  Now follow me on twitter.

Mike xxx

[charassy-blog]

Jikin leaves.

This is a story set in the BIONICLE universe. If you're unfamiliar with the general lore, I'll explain.

"Great Spirits" are the gods of this universe, and boy, do they exist. The "Matoran" are basically the normal humans in this universe. They're separated by their elements and live in cities (elemental prefix + "-Koro") in parts of the landscape (elemental prefix +"-Wahi") of islands, whose names consist of the island's actual name and "-Nui". A Matoran can transform into a Toa, if given the right circumstances. "Toa" are some sort of wariors, controlling their assigned elements and using them to protect the Matoran and the whole universe. A team of Toa is usually named after the island it originates from. If three Toa (a Team consists of six) achieve a high state of unity, they are able to fuse together, into a Toa Kaita. This form is stronger than the three Toa seperately and has control over all three of their elements. Most inhabitants in BIONICLE's universe wear masks (Kanohi), Matoran and Toa do so because they need to. Those masks give their wearer special powers, like speed, telekinesis, and being able to translate any language. Also, love (as in romance) isn't canon.

In this short scene, the two characters are wearing a Kanohi Kualsi, Mask of Quick Travel (worn by Jikin), which allows its wearer to teleport anywhere he/she can see, and a Kanohi Vahka (worn by Hokar), Mask of Decision, which allows its wearer to make any decision in a way that will add to achieving his/her deepest desire (this mask doesn't officially exist, but none of my characters do, heh).

Shira Nui, Bo-Wahi

Hokar, Toa of Stone and leader of the Toa Shira, tries to convince Jikin, Toa of Plantlife, to go back and help the Toa to protect the Matoran. Jikin, usually witty and light-hearted, shows his aggressive side. He leaves behind a confused and sad Hokar.

  HOKAR: Jikin, stop and come back.

JIKIN: Ha! Dashirrn! So that we can protect those dumb Matoran? What have they ever done for us?

HOKAR: Why are you so angry? You yourself once were a Matoran, just as every one of the Toa Shira, of us.

JIKIN: As soon as I transformed into a Toa, I realized how useless the Matoran are. They are weak, primitive, and generally just not good for surviving. Why should we, the Toa, help them? If a race is weak, it will die out. Why stop, why not support that process?

HOKAR: Jikin, that’s incredibly wrong. I’ll repeat myself: You yourself once were a Matoran! And now, as a Toa, it’s your duty to protect them!

JIKIN: No, Hokar. I’ll set out to find others who understand me and my thoughts, and I will do whatever it takes to make you realize that this time, I am right, and you are wrong.

HOKAR, desperate: Then just come back, this one time. This last time. Please, Jikin, we need your help!

JIKIN: You do know that the Kaita forms can’t be achieved anymore. Our unity is destroyed.

Hokar, just now realizing this fact, turns around. He sits down and folds his hands, all while maintaining some sort of dignity. He quietly mumbles a prayer to the Great Spirits. Then he slowly stands up and turns around again.

HOKAR: Jikin, you can go. I accepted our destiny.

Jikin is already gone.

[roll-for-stupidity]

Naruto D20 Episode 1.25: AKA Dow Finally Does A Good

So at the end of session 1.2, I let the characters go off and “train,” which basically consists of the players selecting a jutsu that their characters have literally never even heard of, and rolling a die to see if they can “learn” the jutsu with no instruction or prior knowledge of the jutsu’s existence.

^^literally my reaction after realizing how dumb it is that that’s the process for learning techniques.

Like, I let it slide in session 1.1 because the players selected techniques that the characters could feasibly have heard of, and could practice on their own, but then my players selected some highly specialized techniques for session 1.2′s training time and it just felt…wrong? I guess? And it’s wrong for a few reasons:

One, there is no way that you can learn how to do something if you don’t know that something exists and you have no one showing you how the something is done. Like, that goes for everything. Allowing players’ meta-knowledge to affect gameplay is like DM cardinal sin number 4. Player knowledge and character knowledge should always be kept separate. No exceptions.

Two, you lose out on so much roleplaying ability. Like, the source anime and manga’s training sequences were arguably better than some of the fight scenes at times. Naruto spends like over half his time training, and the immense payoff that you get from watching him finally succeed only comes from watching the episodes of him struggling and working to get a new skill or technique to work. And the payoff was usually awesome.

So I decided to fix breaking DM cardinal sin number 4, by breaking cardinal sin number 3: I retconned the last third of session 1.2

^^Basically how I started this session.

Let me preface what happened next by saying that yesterday, I literally lost my job and became homeless so I did not have anything planned. I was fully expecting this to crash and burn. But it honestly turned out to be the best session we’ve had yet, and I would even go so far as to say I enjoyed DMing this session more than playing some of the sessions I’ve played. I know the two experiences cannot necessarily be compared 100%, but today’s mini-session was honestly so fun and very refreshing, and the two players I had with me today (the third is currently MIA and I just hope that he is doing ok) agreed.

Basically, my stipulation for learning techniques became that you had to roll high enough on a knowledge check for ninja lore to see if your character knows of the technique. In addition, you had to have someone who knew the technique teaching it to you, or you had to have had enough experience watching the technique being performed to try and learn it on your own, but the second way would come with a penalty to the learn check. Finally, instead of just rolling and you either got it or you didn’t, you had to put in the work to learn how to do the thing. In other words, you actually had to train your character. Roleplay over rollplay.

I’m gonna need to copyright that phrase.

And I mean, at the end of the day, the roll to learn the technique is ultimately what dictates whether or not the technique gets learned. But, regardless of the roll’s outcome, the character would literally be expending eight hours of their time trying to learn this new skill, and while I could just jump ahead eight hours, the chance for character development and interactions during that period would be completely lost.

Zaki, played by B (who has given me permission to tag him @baumguy), decided that he would spend his time training by going to his grandmother’s dojo to work on his swordfighting. His grandmother, Kisagana, who is the daughter of the Akatsuki member Kisame, has long since left her mentoring days behind her, but she does have Mutsumi, a young Chuunin who is working to take over for her when she does decide to step down as sensei of the dojo. @baumguy rolled well enough on a knowledge check that his character had heard of the technique he wanted his character to learn enough to ask about it by name, and Mutsumi had the necessary knowledge to train him to perform that technique, which meant that all the prerequisites I had set for learning a technique were met, and the roleplay began.

@baumguy kicked it off with a successful learn check, so from there it was just a matter of some good old fashioned sparring. Now, I hadn’t prepared any of what was going to happen, really. I just gave her one or two basic character traits. She began by demonstrating the technique, and then had him attempt to recreate what she showed him. He would practice for a bit, Taijutsu rolls indicating how well each attempt went, and when Zaki needed some pointers (rolled poorly on an attempt to perform an aspect of the technique enough times in a row), she stepped in and offered them.

It wasn’t by any means a necessary interaction. Poor rolls didn’t have permanent consequences, because he had already rolled well enough to perform the technique, but it gave a process that would normally just consist of a simple learning check much more life, and allowed Zaki and Mutsumi to grow as characters, playing off of each other and allowing different aspects of each of their characterizations to shine through.

By the end of it, Zaki had pretty well mastered the technique, but just to keep him from getting too inflated of an ego, Mutsumi let him know that he still had lots of room for growth and improvement:

Meanwhile, Tamotsu and Rin (played by J from the RWBY campaign in which I play Iris) shared a moment at Ichiraku Ramen, learning a bit about each other’s histories and Tamotsu was able to get a better idea of where Rin was looking to improve. The thing about Rin is, she has a bloodline that canonically in her backstory is difficult to control, but she knew no Chakra Control techniques at all. This simple fact not only made Tamotsu, a descendant from a clan also famous for an incredibly difficult to control bloodline (so difficult that only Tamotsu himself had mastered it, and even that required the chakra of Yamato, the last surviving host of Hashirama’s cells, to be introduced into Tamotsu when his bloodline activated years before), the ideal teacher for Rin to study under, but it also meant that he had to start with the bare basics of Chakra Control for Rin:

Tree Climbing Technique!

This training came quite naturally to Rin, so her training consisted of a simple explanation followed by a demonstration, after which she was free to practice as she pleased. Tamotsu had something to take care of, and left her to her training, promising to return in the evening to see her progress, which he did and found her sitting at the top of the tree, having mastered the technique, adding it to her repertoire.

For Rin, the roleplaying was more about establishing rapport between herself and the person she will likely spend a lot of time training under directly, not to mention go on missions for. So yes, there was a different learning style involved, but that also comes with the nature of the technique itself. Some techniques can be learned without extensive hands-on training, while others are learned best with someone to oversee the entire learning process.

I’m not going to pretend that I’ve in any way perfected the style of this campaign. I know I still have lots to work on, and I know that we’ve really only just begun. But I feel for the first time like I have a shot at creating a story and an experience for my players that is not only enjoyable and fun, but also deep, rich, and at times surprising. I know I surprised myself with how well this session went.

And while I know I still have to find out what our favorite squid boy Maindo (played by M, also from the RWBY campaign) got up to while Zaki and Rin were training, I’m much more confident moving forward in my storytelling ability and just general comfort level with not having every little detail fleshed out before a session. And even with these minor interactions that seem meaningless in the grand scheme of things, I feel like I’m still able to move the overarching plot forward. I’ve got some big things planned for my tiny ninja friends. I just can’t wait for them to see what’s in store.

So, I know I forgot my takeaways from 1.2, but as far as 1.25 goes, I’d just say I learned to relax. DMing does not have to involve nearly as much planning or stress as I was initially putting into it. While major characters do need to be developed fully for combat situations and such, minor interactions don’t necessarily require a lot of prior planning, and it’s quite possible that planning more might have made the interactions feel less genuine or fulfilling.

I’m still learning this whole thing. And probably will be the entire campaign. But hey, I know for a fact that both my players and I had fun this session, and in my book, that’s 99% of what matters.

Now thanks to the whole real life thing (you know, the unemployment and homelessness bit), I am very exhausted after driving so long with so little sleep, so my bed now calls. But I always feel the need to gather my thoughts on sessions before I go to bed, just so I can make sure I remember all the things I want to document. That now complete, I await the sweet gift of the Sandman until tomorrow morning (or afternoon, who knows, I’m exhausted)

(Can you tell I’m excited for Christmas?)

[louryanalarcon]

Thoughts on Winterfell

It should be noted that I am a huge Game of Thrones fan. It’s my favorite show hands-down. It’s not even close. So, I figured why not divulge some of my predictions for the final season.

I just finished watching Season 8: Episode 1: Winterfell. I originally wrote these theories prior to watching the season premiere, but I never got around to publishing it. It’s a bummer because life gets in the way sometimes. But I think these theories are still possible – yes, very possible after concluding watching this first episode. So, here we go.

Theory 1: The Night King wins the War for the Dawn.

Wow. Incredible. What a bold prediction. The reason why this will almost certainly happen is because of what Game of Thrones has shown time and time again. Before the end of the first season, Ned Stark, the show’s frontrunner, gets his head chopped off. What the fuck? It was a gutsy move to make on the fact that Ned Stark was not only the show’s main character at that point, but also such a compelling fan-favorite. Moreover, Ned was good. He was honorable and just. But in chopping his head off, Game of Thrones set a catalyst for the remainder of the series: there isn’t always a happy ending. “And they all live happily ever after.” Bullshit. That’s the raw reality of life. And it is only after we accept that reality can we truly appreciate Game of Thrones for the groundbreaking spectacle that it is.

Of course, this will not be so clear-cut. It won’t be a definitive win – not without a heavy cost. This is what leads to my next theory.

Theory 2: Jon Snow will be the next Night King.

I’ve heard the popular theory saying that Bran is actually Bran the Builder and/or the Night King. It’s a good theory, but here’s why I don’t think either of those are true. We were already introduced to who the Night King is. It’s that blonde, white guy, the (first or 13th?) Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, who was tied to the weirwood and had a dragonglass shard plunged into his heart by one of the children of the forest. That’s the Night King. So, since we have already put a face to the name, Bran cannot possibly – simultaneously be the Night King and himself. Second, he is also not Bran the Builder. Honestly, this theory seems a little too played out to actually come to fruition. They have the same name. I mean come on. If this ends up being true, many hardcore fans won’t be the slightest bit surprised. This is partly why I don’t support this theory. It’s so apparent to us, why would we want it to actually be true? Plus, the show never divulges too deep into the lore, and so many casual watchers won’t appreciate the gravitas of Bran the Builder. It simply will not resonate on the same level that R + L = J did.

No, Bran is not Bran the Builder nor the Night King. But Bran might hold some knowledge that will perhaps prove crucial in the War for the Dawn. I predict that Bran and Sam will acquire the knowledge of how to beat the Night King. And here it is: Only the Song of Ice and Fire can harness the power that the Night King holds over his dominions. What’s that? Song of Ice and Fire? Who could that possibly be? Ah yes: The King in the North, the Bastard of Winterfell, He who knows nothing – the literal embodiment of Ice and Fire: Aegon Targaryen, himself, AKA: Jon Snow. I hate to say it because he is my favorite character, but there is no way in seven hells that Jon Snow comes out of this season alive. Here’s why: he already died. If there is one thing Game of Thrones consistently provides: it’s truth. And the truth about death is that it comes for everyone. No one can escape it. Not even everyone’s favorite character: Jon Snow. He must return to the dead. He can’t cheat death. He may have been resurrected, but he must go back. That is simply how it is. And what better way to return to the dead than by winning the War for the Dawn as the new Night King.

That’s right. The Night King wins, but it’s Jon Snow who will usurp his mantle and march the white walkers back North from whence they came. Immediately after, Bran – in a similar fashion to how the original Bran the Builder created The Wall – will warg into iced-Viserion – fly a dragon – and rebuild the Wall, thus sealing the white walkers away for another millennia. So, in this way, Bran may follow in the footsteps of his predecessor, repeating history, but not actually be Bran the Builder from thousands of years ago. I will concede and say that he is at least Bran the Builder-come-again. This leads to my next theory.

Theory 3: Daenerys is Lightbringer.

Daenerys will be the embodiment of Lightbringer – the sword wielded by Azor Ahai to win the War for the Dawn. Likewise, we all know Jon Snow to be the prophesied prince who was promised. This is old news. The twist is that it will be Jon who Dany must sacrifice in order to save Westeros. The original tale had Azor Ahai sacrificing his love, Nissa Nissa, to produce Lightbringer and save Westeros. This time around however, Lightbringer (Dany) will plunge a dragonglass shard into her love, Azor Ahai (Jon), turning him into the new Night King and effectively saving Westeros. I can already see this happening. Don’t we all want this to happen?

Dany will also play a vital role in the defeat of The Night King. I predict it will be her who ultimately kills him. But in the midst of this, Dany and Jon will both realize that the Night King’s death was not enough to de-animate the White Walkers from continuing to wreak havoc. This will prove that the resolution is not a “kill the main bad guy, and his followers will immediately turn to dust the second he dies” type of scenario. No, that is too predictable and cliché. Sam’s and Bran’s resolution of the Song of Ice and Fire being the only way to save Westeros will be realized. There must be a new Night King to sit atop the mantle and command the remaining Walkers to march back up North.

Finally, Dany, with tears in her eyes, sticks Jon with either a dragonglass blade or Longclaw, setting off the most emotional rollercoaster ride television has ever seen or ever will see. Jon, saddened but at peace knowing he must return to the dead, falls to his knees. And in his final breath as a human, says to Dany, “Thank you, my Queen.” Jon dies but awakens as the new Night King. And from there, triumphant music will play as he marches his newly-acquired army of a hundred thousand white walkers back to the North and the Lands of Always Winter. Que Bran warging into iced-Viserion and that’s it, folks. Next, we enter the show’s most pertinent question: Who will sit atop the Iron Throne?

Theory 4: No one will sit atop the Iron Throne.

I’m sorry to all the Daenerys-stans, but there is no way Dany sits atop that throne, despite almost certainly coming out of the War for the Dawn alive. The Seven Kingdoms will not accept the daughter of the Mad King. That’s just my two-cents. And quite frankly, I don’t see Daenerys placing a bow on this magnificent series atop that throne.

She will almost certainly be pregnant with Jon’s baby as well. She will likely return to Dragonstone, but never rule the Seven Kingdoms. Yes, Jon Snow is the true king, but because he will be dead by then, he cannot win the throne. That’s right, the show’s main protagonists will not sit atop the Iron Throne. It’s too cliché for my liking.

This is the one theory I had trouble writing. I believe it and I don’t. It is very possible that the Iron Throne will be destroyed by series’ end, leaving no one sitting atop the throne. I see that. Then again, maybe Jon and Dany’s baby may win the throne. But that of course leaves the question of, who will sit the throne before his/her birth? Will it be Daenerys? I don’t think so.

For the record, I want Jon to win the throne. I believe he is most deserving, and he even has the birthright. But Jon Snow/Aegon Targaryen winning the throne places almost too-neat a bow on the end of this series. The same goes for Dany. Therefore, I have to conclude that this wonderful series will end with no one winning the throne.

Okay, so Winterfell. That was a good episode. I would have liked half an hour more, but that’s neither here nor there. I think my biggest takeaway was that scene with Varys, Davos and Tyrion where they discuss the possibility of Dany and Jon winning the throne together. That scene foreshadowed to me that either Jon and Dany will sit the Iron Throne together, or no one will. And you know what, I’m leaning toward the latter.

I think Bronn’s possible heel turn was also very important. I didn’t think it would be him who would kill either Tyrion or Jaime. But won’t it be some poetic justice if Bronn kills Tyrion with a crossbow like how Tyrion slew his father? Then again, I do not see this happening. I feel like this episode foreshadowed a lot of possibilities, but they may all be squashed when the Night King (whose non-appearance was surprising) comes strolling in.

Sansa’s insolence has proven to be so unattractive. I don’t care for her honestly. Oddly enough, she’ll probably be the only Stark to survive the War for the Dawn. And for why? I have no idea.

Good to see Tormund still alive. And he reunites with the remnants of the Night’s Watch. Brilliant.

Sam showcases his brilliant acting upon first meeting Daenerys. I mean, talk about rough first impressions.

Lastly, I loved seeing Jaime again. He has truly come full circle. At this point, he’s my second favorite character, beating Daenerys, who is simply not as compelling – anymore at least. But Bran’s subtle, “I’m waiting for an old friend,” was what really hit me. And them locking eyes, noticing each other. My goodness next Sunday can’t come fast enough. Speaking of Bran, he’s barely human. He’s basically not a Stark anymore. But he is definitely one of the more important characters as we enter the War. Sheesh, couldn’t we at least have gotten one glimpse of the Night King?

I’ll end it here. I’m not positive on whether or not I will do weekly run-downs of the final five episodes. We’ll see depending on my mood. Anyways, I am exhausted.

Peace.